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The Truth Is

by Meghann on April 13, 2016

Hi…. it’s me, again. I feel like I’m writing the same post over and over, but here it goes.

a-6monthssession-22

The truth is I’m drowning. I have no idea how moms work 40+ hours a week, train for marathons they PR at, cook delicious meals every night, take amazing photos, write beautiful posts, keep their homes spotless, spend quality time with their significant other, and sleep 8+ hrs a night. I admire these moms and want to grovel at their feet. If you’re looking for that here, you’re not going to find it.

The truth is I cry at least one night per week on the way home from work because I fear I won’t make it to daycare before they close. I cry because even after I get her I’ll only have one hour until it’s time to put  her to bed. I cry because the books tell me the reason why my 6 month old isn’t sleeping at night is because we put her to bed so late. I  cry because putting her to bed any earlier would mean not seeing her at all. I cry because mom guilt is real and it’s scary.

The truth is we have the same 5 meals every week because they’re easy and they’re quick. They’re not super healthy or spectacular, but it’s real food and it works for us. I miss my creative, out-of-the-norm meals, but now a days I have a severe mental block when it comes to planning our meals for the week.

The truth is I fall asleep on the couch every night before 9pm. After putting Annalynn to bed, eating dinner, and washing those damn bottles I’m so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open.

The truth is my dog is overdue for her shots, I still need to find a new doctor to review my less-than-stellar thyroid tests, and I finally got a much-needed haircut on Monday only to hate it and not have the time to reschedule a re-do.

The truth is I prefer to celebrate the small victories, like making enough food for my daughter because that is one thing I can make happen.

The truth is I don’t have it all together and that’s okay. I may not have Pinterest-perfect meals or always know the right thing to blog about, but I have a beautiful family, a place to call home, and plenty of food to eat.

The truth is this is my life. Maybe one day I’ll figure it all out, but for now I’m taking it one step at at time.

{ 194 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Sana April 13, 2016 at 9:10 pm

One day at a time. You are capable for more than you know. And sometimes it’s ok to ask for a little help. I don’t have kids or a family and sometimes I am wayy too exhausted to run or cook dinner. But tomorrow is a new day.

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2 Caroline April 13, 2016 at 9:12 pm

Sending you so much love. Thanks for your openness and honesty, I think we all like to paint that perfect picture for others to see, but opening up and sharing the truth takes so much for strength.

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3 Katie April 13, 2016 at 9:12 pm

I have so written the same post. Both when I had my first son and now that I’m on my second little boy.

Hang in there! I was in your shoes and I promise it does get easier – although that’s hard to hear when you are deep into it and feel like the struggle will never end. I too work full-time, have two boys (a 3 year old and 3 month old) and try to continue to running daily. My husband farms so he’s not always around in the evenings and on weekends so there is a lot of single parenting in my house.

Here’s my only tip – and it’s not a good one but it’s all I got. . don’t try to do it all. It’s ok if you eat frozen meals and don’t get the laundry folded and let the dishes pile up and get behind on the house work. One day your little girl will grow up and sleep in and allow you some time to really train and clean and cook and all those wonderful things you thought were lost forever. The baby years are wonderful and difficult all wrapped up in a big blur. The toddler years have their own struggles but there is more flexibility and time.

Keep it up, you’ll get there soon enough. And your daughter will see what a great mom you are and you’ll have time to breath and fold clothes – and wonder why you fretted about folding clothes – and cook and clean. These are the best and hardest years of your life. But the first time your little girl tells you she loves you, you realize it’s all so worth it.

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4 Alexa April 13, 2016 at 9:14 pm

I’ve been there. I’ve looked my husband in the eye and told him we’re not living, we’re existing. In moments of heartache missing my babies, I yelled at their daycare teachers and said, “do you know how lucky you are to get to spend the day with my baby?? That’s all I want to do!” I had to draw a line and demand I could work from home one or two days a week. It allowed me to make dinner easier at least one night, drop off and pick up the kids a little later and earlier for more time with them, and it gave me more sanity. Not working was not a choice for me, and it sucked, it still sucks some days and my boys are 3.5 and 20 months. I’ve come to accept good enough on many things, and yes, celebrate the small victories. If you’re drowning, talk to your boss and husband now, ask for more help, or more time. Be your own advocate. I also realized part of the drowning for me, was a touch of postpartum depression, and your thyroid with wonky hormones could be making you feel even worse. Take a PTO day, go to the doctor, get a haircut, drop your daughter off late and pick her up early that day and just enjoy her, and know you’re not alone in this. xoxo

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5 Anna April 14, 2016 at 4:22 pm

Thanks for your honesty – I’ve been there too & it is so hard! I totally agree with Alexa, i work full-time and asked that I work from home 2 days/week. I pitched it as a trial for the first month, and then we’d reassess. My manager and I agreed at the end of the month that it was working out great for both of us, and I have continued with that flexible schedule. It has been a savior – those days I spend more time with my son & less on commuting etc. While I am heating up lunch, I throw a load of laundry in – just a couple of little things that make me feel more sane, and the additional home time allows me to align more closely to my personal priorities. Wishing you balance!

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6 brittney April 13, 2016 at 9:18 pm

i think you’re doing just fine. those moms that appear to work 40+ hours outside the house, sleep a full 8 hours, bond with their child, workout, cook, clean, and maintain their relationships are mirages. the truth is is that something has to give. you’re doing what’s best for YOUR family. not all babies sleep through the night by six months, regardless of sleep time; don’t blame yourself. it’s all tough, and it’s important to pat yourself on the back when you do something you’re proud of when it’s hard. and if you want to put it on your blog, go for it! i know you received some comments on the last post about what you should/shouldn’t post, but it’s YOUR blog. you owe nobody a warning about content change, because who knows, it may change back. i love reading your posts, especially ones like these that show real life. and your daughter is beautiful, and you’re setting such an amazing example for her.
brittney recently posted..thinking out loud thursday #2

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7 Cara April 14, 2016 at 8:43 am

Amen to this reply!!! We have all been there, it is SO freaking hard. And like Brittney said, those people are mirages, seriously. Do they have a cleaning service? Meals delivered? Like someone else commented, ask for help, you cannot do it all! I went through this when my oldest was about 6 months old, I was exhausted. I ended up quitting my job and doing daycare out of my home. Best decision I ever made. Was I still stressed? Yup. But it worked for us. I was home for 11 years until all my girls were in school. I know quitting your job doesn’t work for everyone, but like others have said, talk to your boss, you never know what they might be ok with! You got this Meghann!!!
Cara recently posted..Life Lately

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8 Kelly April 13, 2016 at 9:18 pm

Is there anyway you can switch to part-time? I was depressed working after my daughter was born and realized that she was only going to be young once and I wanted to enjoy it. I cut back my hours and found it was the best of both worlds. I worked 3 days a week so continued my career but had a lot of time at home to be with my daughter, do laundry, and get caught up on errands so my family could just enjoy our time together over the weekend. Now she is going to kindergarten in the fall and I am so, so thankful for the time we had together.

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9 Katie @ Live Half Full April 13, 2016 at 9:26 pm

Hang in there, these days happen to all of us! The #1 thing for me is prepping everything the night/weekend before. It’s the only way I survive. Although I swear I spend my entire weekend getting ready for the work week, but at least we are surviving because of it. 🙂
Katie @ Live Half Full recently posted..My Favorite Make-Ahead Breakfasts

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10 Angie April 13, 2016 at 9:33 pm

“Don’t let those happy parents fool you. We’re all losing our sh*t, some people just hide it better than others.”

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11 Susan April 14, 2016 at 8:49 am

yes. this.
Susan recently posted..Natural Skincare & Beauty

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12 April April 13, 2016 at 9:34 pm

I think every working mom has felt how you do right now. It’s so hard but my little one is almost 22 months now and every day gets easier. We are finding new normals in a new life and it’s hard. Also when you are tired everything is harder. Congrats on continuing to breastfeed. That is truly something to be proud of. Big hugs from Canada’s east coast.

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13 Taylor April 13, 2016 at 9:35 pm

I relate to this post so much. I think the feelings your having are natural mom feelings. I have a very different life than you (I don’t work and am able to stay at home) but the same feelings creep in. Is her bedtime right? I should cook healthier meals. Am I entertaining and teaching her enough? Am I neglecting our dog? I should be more on top of house work. Etc. No matter what you do everyday you will still feel like you should be doing more for your kids. Don’t beat yourself up, give yourself grace and try to enjoy the things you can do! Sending you mom hugs.

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14 Meredith April 13, 2016 at 9:39 pm

You’re doing a great job, don’t be so hard on yourself. You are a wonderful mother and Annalynn is lucky to have you.

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15 Marty April 13, 2016 at 9:48 pm

I’m a new mom too and have a 5 month old. When I feel like I am failing I try to remember someone who told me that I should be gentle with myself at this time with so many changes. I am a SAHM with struggles like I can’t get my baby to sleep anywhere but in my bed, I haven’t been able to pump milk despite trying all the tricks so I gave my baby formula the other day so I could finally get away for 2 hours, my son hates the carseat so we stay within a 10 minute drive from the house or we both end up crying. Just know you’re not alone. It seems like your baby is happy and healthy and everything will come together eventually.

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16 Becky P April 13, 2016 at 9:49 pm

Oh honey, I don’t have it together either. I spend naps prepping dinner and pumping and spending 20 minutes on the couch exhausted. My kid’s bedtime is 10:00 and she’s 13 months old. You are doing great, I wouldn’t be able to get any kind of blog out and I only work part time! I still cry before bed sometimes too. Life is life, mommyhood is noble, mommy on!

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17 Emily April 13, 2016 at 9:51 pm

Hi Meghan, I’ve been reading your blog for a while but this is the first time I have commented. Becoming a mom was the biggest change that has ever happened to me but there is absolutely no way to prepare for it. There are so many days I feel like I don’t have it all together. But you are already a great mom just by showing up and loving that sweet girl. Your post really tugged at my heart strings and I pray that not only it gets easier but that you also find some peace. Just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and you are the perfect mom for your baby.
Hang in there!!
Emily

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18 Katie April 13, 2016 at 9:59 pm

The truth is…this was a more enjoyable* post to read than the one about pumping. *enjoyable meaning: this is RELATEABLE! Look how many moms are able to relate to you! ^^^ your (seemingly endless) posts about pumping and breastfeeding do nothing to normalize it – they are just ways to make you feel good, when really all that matters is that your kid is fed. This is honest, and it’s real life, and this is why people have read your blog for years. Keep this up.

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19 Michelle Brandon April 13, 2016 at 10:02 pm

Thank Heaven for honest and heartfelt blogs like yours. The last thing I need is to read ‘super-parent’ blogs while trying to get through my day without a meltdown. Alyssa from “Chocolate is my life” had similar feelings after the birth of her son. Keep doing what you’re doing- choose your battles- and know you’re not alone in this crazy thing called parenting!

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20 Alyssa April 14, 2016 at 7:53 pm

I still have similar feelings – it’s SO tough! Just check out my blog! JK that thing hasn’t been updated in like two weeks. Pretty sure I found the solution though, I’ll be popping out a second soon, should clear these problems right up.
Alyssa recently posted..Whatever cool points I ever had are gone

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21 Rochelle April 13, 2016 at 10:03 pm

Well, honestly, that’s the way it is for most of us.

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22 Rochelle April 13, 2016 at 10:09 pm

I totally understand why your hyper focused on pumping because that’s something you can control, but this post shows that you’re aware of how damaging those “perfect mom” posts can be. I think a lot of commenters in your last post were trying to point out that by going on and on about pumping and breastfeeding, you yourself were projecting a “perfect mom” image that others were finding hard to swallow, especially if they weren’t able to bf/pump for whatever reason. I hope you take your own advice and go easier on yourself and on the rest of us. You’re doing fine. You have nothing to prove. Take a break from blogging if that would help. Get Derek to step up and clean those damn bottles. Take a personal day and soak up your baby girl. You’ll figure out ways to deal and to make things work. We all do.

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23 Lesley April 13, 2016 at 10:37 pm

Spot on, Rochelle!
Lesley recently posted..January 2016 Goals

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24 Reenie April 14, 2016 at 10:34 am

I didn’t take it as the “perfect mom” at all!!

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25 Angela April 14, 2016 at 3:28 am

I’ll be honest all of those comments shaming her about pumping made my blood boil and even more so that you’re using it against her now. Just let people celebrate the successes and be there for them in the tough times.

We all have to live seeing people with what we can’t do or never will have and making them feel ashamed of any small success is exactly what is wrong with the parenting community on the Internet. You all claim to be supportive but comments like those show your true nature.

Meghann – You’re doing great. You have a happy healthy growing baby and at the end of the day that’s all that matters. Work at your own pace and try not to let the small stuff get you down. Post whatever you want here. It’s your space to celebrate and vent.

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26 Kelly April 14, 2016 at 8:53 am

Angela, your comment is one of the few that makes any sense and shows any sense of kindness or empathy! I, too, was angered by the comments on the last post. First of all, who invests THAT much time in a blogger to be able to critique something that involves a CHILD. I don’t have children, but I grew up with a working mom, and witnessed how hard it was for her to balance everything. So what if there is just all breastfeeding posts? If that’s at the forefront of Meghann’s mind when she sits down to write, let her write about it. It’s probably the one of the few things that kept her connected to Annalynn while she was working a long weekend away from her baby. It’s not the end of the world to read about pumping or breastfeeding or whatever else seems “too much” for people. Just skip the post and know that Meghann will likely get back to “normal” – whatever that means – soon. And if she doesn’t, fine. Be graceful and move on. It’s like one person wrote how she was sick of seeing pumping posts and a whole bandwagon of women jumped on to comment. The funny thing is, most of them would not have said anything had there not been that initial comment. It was all very “mean girl” in nature and you all should be ashamed to have commented at all, especially now that you’ve read this post. Blogging isn’t just for the readers, by the way – and I think that’s even more so when it’s not the blogger’s full time job. Let Meghann write about what’s relevant to HER, RIGHT NOW.

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27 Kelly April 14, 2016 at 8:58 am

Also, do any of you keep in mind that postpartum depression could be playing a factor in ANY new mom’s life? I’m not saying it is for Meghann, but you really should think about what you’re saying before you speak, think beyond your own bubbled, selfish world, and consider what others might be going through behind what you see posted on a screen.

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28 Kelly April 14, 2016 at 9:04 am

p.s. Meghann, you ARE doing great! I hope you are able to reach out to those closest to you if you do need help along the way. Annalynn is beautiful…and that smile!

29 Rochelle April 14, 2016 at 9:26 am

Just pointing out the irony and hoping she gets it! 🙂

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30 Reenie April 14, 2016 at 10:30 am

Well put Angela. 🙂

Meghann ~ you are doing a great job. Have Derek get up for the night feeding ~ and clean the bottles!! HA!!

xo

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31 Lauren April 13, 2016 at 10:12 pm

Oh Meghann, I totally hear you. My LO is 1 week younger than Annalynn and I feel exactly the same way all the time. I could go into details (and if you did want to vent with a stranger/blog reader in the same stage of life we can haha!) but the bottom line is, you are not alone.

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32 anon April 13, 2016 at 10:18 pm

bravo. follow your heart. you will be alright. thanks for your honesty.

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33 Moira April 13, 2016 at 10:20 pm

You are amazing! It’s so tough to be a mom. We all do the best we can. It’s hard to be kind to yourself but let it be your mantra! I have a three month old and I just went back to work and I’m learning it’s impossible to give 100% in everything. You have to pick your battles and for me somethings ( a lot of times) I sit on the couch to spend time with my
Husband or play with my little one rather than running, cleaning or
Anything else. Thank you for being so honest! One day it will be easier but know that there are people to support you!

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34 Leslie April 13, 2016 at 10:20 pm

Those moms you described don’t exist. You are doing a great job and should be extremely proud of yourself. Hang in there and know that you’re not alone!

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35 Jenna April 13, 2016 at 10:30 pm

Do you know how good it was for me to read this? I am in the exact same boat. Two full-time working parents with no option for wiggle room on that front and we are zooming through life right now just trying to keep our heads above water. UGH THE BOTTLES. I’m tired of hearing “it gets better” because I’m living in the present and it blows. No runs, yoga, delicious meals or happy hours but we have one damn cute little girl and we are always working for the weekend when we get to spend more than two consecutive hours with her. I feel your pain. Thank you for the honest post. It feels amazing to know I’m not the only one who doesn’t have it all together. Solidarity, sister.

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36 Angela Baker April 13, 2016 at 10:44 pm

Thank you for such an honest post. I go back to work tomorrow from 12 weeks of maternity leave. It sounds like so much time until you have to drop that tiny little person you love so dearly off at daycare and go to work. I’m scared to death I won’t be able to do i.e. erythema I need to. It’s refreshing to know not everyone has it together yet and we are all a work in progress.

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37 Jonelle April 13, 2016 at 10:53 pm

You’re doing your best. That’s all you can ask. As a fellow thyroid patient, I STRONGLY encourage you to take the time to take care of yourself and get that checked. Having thyroid levels that are off affect your cognition, mood, energy level. Thyroid hormone truly affects everything. Before I found the right medicine, I was a mess. It won’t give you more time, but it may help you feel better about how you use your time. It’s a tough balance to figure out how to be a person and a mom and be happy. Hang in there. You’ll find your balance.

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38 Reenie April 14, 2016 at 10:35 am

Agreed on the thyroid…. it runs your entire body. A great book is “The Thyroid Solution” by Dr. Ridha Arem.

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39 Alyssa April 13, 2016 at 10:59 pm

Hi Meghann – I’ve been reading since before the ironman days, but never commented. You inspired a lot of my own triathlon adventures and I still think that what you do is amazing! Being a mom is hard but it will get better. You’re awesome!!
Alyssa recently posted..Race Recap – Pacific Road Runners First Half

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40 Amber April 13, 2016 at 11:02 pm

It gets easier. It really does. And what people, unsuccessfully and sort of rudely, we’re trying to point out is that in a year or two or less you’ll laugh at what a small part of (working) motherhood pumping/bfing is.

And PS, I know what book you are talking about with the bedtime thing. It made me sob and then it made me mad. I haven’t read a parenting book since.

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41 Margo April 13, 2016 at 11:02 pm

Oh Meghann, I wish I could give you a hug. Looking at those gorgeous photos, Annalynn is clearly thriving! You’re doing a fabulous job. Take it easy on yourself and remember that no one has it all together despite how it looks on the outside.

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42 Katie April 13, 2016 at 11:07 pm

My daughter turns six next month, and I don’t know how others do it either. Each stage will bring it’s own form of mom guilt. I think (hope!) it’s normal! You are doing the best you can!
Katie recently posted..Vacation Day 1: Traveling and Resort

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43 Mindy April 13, 2016 at 11:08 pm

Rooting for you, girl! I’m not a mom, but I do know that you’ll find a balance and a way that it will all get a little easier. For now, just keep loving on that baby girl with that precious time you do have with her.
Mindy recently posted..Thoughts on being back at step one.

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44 Eileen April 13, 2016 at 11:08 pm

I have a baby just a week younger than Annalynn, and I also work full-time (and baby is EBF, so I have to deal with pumping as well). I totally feel you on the bedtime thing — it is so hard! Is there any way for you to try to soak up more Annalynn time in the morning? My son goes to bed at 6:30, which means I often barely see him at night. But he gets up around 6:30 in the morning. I try to do as much as I can at night after he goes down — showering, any chores, packing my lunch, etc. — so that I can hang out with him as much as I can in the morning. It’s not perfect, but it does help. Also, my son doesn’t sleep through the night either — not even close! I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much for that. To be honest, part of me doesn’t mind the middle of the night snuggles, given that I don’t have as much time with him during the day as I’d like.

Also, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, I think you need Derek to pick up some slack. Can he plan meals and take over dinners? Would you consider having him give Annalynn a bottle once in a while in the middle of the night, so that you can get more sleep? And most importantly, why are you washing those bottles??? I have not washed a single bottle or pump part since I’ve been back at work. My job is to make the milk for the baby during the day — my husband’s job is to clean them up at night. I would suggest sitting down with him and figuring out whether there’s any way he can take some of the pressure off you. Sometimes as moms we feel like everything is on our shoulders, but it shouldn’t be.

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45 Mrs. B April 14, 2016 at 9:12 am

Ya, I have to second you on this one. While I don’t live in their house, I think her hubby needs to at least wash the bottles. I mean, she is doing all the work to keep that baby fed!

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46 Lindsey April 13, 2016 at 11:15 pm

Buy enough bottles for at least two days, preferably three, and run them through the dishwasher at night. We hand-washed and sterilized bottles for too long before we realized we could save ourselves a lot of work.

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47 Emily April 13, 2016 at 11:20 pm

Right now you’re in one of the hardest seasons of being a new parent! Like many others have said, it does get easier as they get older. The name of the game right now is survival and rather than think about next week just think about the day and what has to be done next. Nothing in life prepares you for the reality of parenting and how it changes your marriage. The mom’s you speak of aren’t doing it all because no one can. They’re either outsourcing certain responsibilities, getting minimal sleep (been there!) or portraying am inaccurate image on social media. My daughter is 2 and life is starting to feel normal again. Perspective has taught me that I put way toooooo much pressure on myself. Day by day, mama. Embrace the journey: tears and all!

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48 Melinda Gerow April 13, 2016 at 11:22 pm

Aw sweetie! Maybe it’s time to look at some radical solutions/changes? Sell your house and downsize? Move to Titusville and ask for childcare help from your mom and dad? Job share with another mom at work? Change jobs to something close to daycare? You’re tired and worried but you are an amazing, capable, smart young woman. The “wait it out, it will get better” option might not be right for you. You CAN make the life you want.

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49 Kristin April 13, 2016 at 11:53 pm

I found it got easier as my daughter got closer to 1, but it’s still very hard. Hang in there and know that you are not the only mom going through this.

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50 Sara B. April 14, 2016 at 12:33 am

It gets better. The baby years are searing, but they don’t last forever. 6-11 months were actually the hardest for me – it seemed like things (mostly sleeping things) should just be improving anytime , but there were a lot of bumps. We’d get a few nights a week (like, 3) sleeping through the night, but not most until about a year, and the lingering was kind of painful. And then every few weeks there’d be a little developmental hiccup, and she’d be a crazy girl for a week or two (fussy, poor appetite, not sleeping well) before rounding out to her usual self. (I didn’t read the wonder weeks book, but the timeline fit her just right, and it was reassuring to know it wasn’t anything we did and that it was temporary.) So yeah, it gets better, but maybe not yet. In a few months, things will start to settle out a little. You’ll still feel crunched for time for a while, because babies and toddlers just aren’t awake for very many hours of the day. So just know that nobody feels like they are thriving at this stage. I think that’s probably true if you’re working or not working. Surviving, and finding a few bits of joy here and there is just fine. It’s what we all do.

I do think, in some ways, it’s about the stories we tell ourselves, too. There’s a lot of societal pressure on women to feel a certain way about being a working parent – there’s this expectation that you have to feel conflicted about it. And much of that really is borne out of how real women feel. It is hard. Some people would rather have a much different situation. But I think it’s also ok to tell yourself this story: it’s a hard season, and a little stormy, but we’re getting through it, and we’re savoring every little bit of joy we get from our lovely little people. And, like at other times of our lives, there are good days and there are bad days. It’s ok not to draw sweeping conclusions about the bad days – some days just stink. Is ok to realize that the same life that seems kinda struggly now can still be the perfect life for you – now, or later, or both. Life is difficult, and life is wonderful – these are not mutually exclusive.

And seriously, don’t worry about the house or the laundry. I finally folded my laundry for the first time since Christmas. It’s basically the lowest priority thing ever.

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51 Amy April 14, 2016 at 1:21 am

Sometimes I hate the Internet. You’re doing a great job.

I have a 4 1/2 month old and he is exhausting. And my husband and I don’t get to spend enough time with him during the week. An hour at home and then it’s time to start getting him ready for bed. And I don’t breastfeed. I think you being able to pump during your big event is great and I think it’s great that you wrote about it. High five for making it work, that’s a huge accomplishment.

My husband and I are exhausted and it feels like that will last forever. Everytime we feel like we have something figured out, our boy changes the game on us. We have written on our chalkboard in the kitchen “Tough times don’t last, but tough people do!”. I can’t tell you how many times I have to remind myself of this.

I love reading your posts, thank you for being so open.

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52 Colleen April 14, 2016 at 5:45 am

I’ve completely been in your shoes, and I promise you’re doing NOTHING wrong and it gets better – oh so much better! I work full time and have a now 2 yo, but the infant year was SO rough!! And I can’t thank you enough for your honesty. It’s so hard to read those “perfect” blogs and walk away feeling inadequate! I must admit, reading your blog, I was starting to feel that way, because compared to me when I had a 6 month old, you’ve appeared to be doing great! You lost any baby weight! You’re able to keep up with pumping! When my daughter was 6 months, I was still carrying 20lbs of baby weight (and I only gained 30lbs) and couldn’t keep up with her milk needs while working full time – making me feel like a total failure! And forget doing my hair – pony tail all the time!! All this to say – you’re doing AMAZING – and everything you’re feeling is normal and no one has it all together. Trust me – NO one. Throw away the god damn sleep book ( I did everything right and my daughter just wasn’t ready to STTN until 9 months). Figure other ways to give yourself a break (all frozen meals, dry shampoo, a blogging break). Oh and I agree with the one commenter – my life got so much better when I tripled my bottle supply and started using the dishwasher for bottles every few days. Hand washing felt like it sucked the life out of me. And if you can, don’t be afraid to ask for more help and cry when you need to! I’ll say that we’re expecting our second kiddo, and even though I loved BF, I hated pumping and I’m not sure I’ll do it with kid #2. My sanity matters too and formula isn’t evil. Hang in there! You’re doing the best you can and it WILL get better!

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53 Nicole April 14, 2016 at 5:51 am

Oh you are not alone! We have all been there. The first year is the hardest add in hormones working and being a wife you feel like a constant failure. You are not! You will figure it out. You have to decide what is worth your time and what is not. Your child is your first priority and should be. Give yourself grace. I cried a lot in the early years. My son is now 6 and you know what he has made it just fine. I am now lucky enough to be a stay at home mom and I feel like it is even more important now with him in school. I want to be there when he gets out and hear about it all. Looking back working when he was younger was harder but he doesn’t remember it.

My suggestion is to sign up with blue apron or crock pot now has prep meals. Hire someone to come in and clean once a month for 3 hours. You can hire someone off of care.com for $10 an hour.

It will get better I promise. You have a whole community of us supporting you and cheering you on!

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54 Dianna April 14, 2016 at 6:15 am

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I’m a full time working mom to a 5 month old little girl, and the only thing I can say I’m doing on any consistent basis is feeding/pumping. I do have to say I’m impressed that you can even make dinner most nights. Last night I had Pringles for dinner. 🙂

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55 Beth April 14, 2016 at 6:26 am

I echo those who say you can’t do it all so don’t beat yourself up. The first year is really hard. I think the biggest thing to let go is a spotless house. Thank goodness I didn’t grow up in one so I think I don’t feel too pressured there.

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56 toffo April 14, 2016 at 6:56 am

loving mother forever, that’s right

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57 Jackie April 14, 2016 at 7:04 am

Thank you for writing such an honest post. I agree with others who have said the “ideal” does not really exist. It is a balancing act and some days you may be better at balancing things than others. I have two little girls (4 and 22 months). With an hour commute each way it is challenging. My husband and I have continual discussions about what is important, what are our goals and am I doing right now aligned with those things. This helps to keep me in check when I get over ambitious. I also think it is important (though not easy) not to compare – do what is right for you. Those women that seemingly have it all on the surface may have their own struggles. I have a hard time with just waiting it out because like another commented said – you want to live, not just exist. And I think to do that you need to give yourself permission to not only be okay but embrace the choices that you have made that are right for you and your family. Really take the time (on your commute, in the shower, etc.) To think about your why – why are you doing the things you are doing. And if you are not satisfied with your answer look for things that you can adjust – it may not be immediate but figure out a plan to get you there.

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58 Mary April 14, 2016 at 8:11 am

What you mentioned above as how mom’s can do all of those things – no one does. There is no way one mom can accomplish those things. You have to pick what is most important to you and go with it. For me, I tend to let house work slide and make easy meals too. Those things aren’t important to me. Spending time with the family and getting in exercise to make me feel good is my priority.

We all let some things slide in favor of other things. That’s life and it is a-ok.

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59 Jamie April 14, 2016 at 8:20 am

Have you considered changing careers? I did. I couldn’t be a journalist and be a mom because of the long hours and demands. (I could I guess but it would have been miserable.) I did not want to work till 7 every night. Or be stuck at work due to a deadline or high-profile story. So I went into tourism. I get off work at 4. No more deadlines.

I am sure you love your job. I loved mine. It was hard to leave and I struggled with the change of pace for awhile. But we have benefited greatly!

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60 Holly April 14, 2016 at 11:25 am

I also changed careers after a really awful breakdown at work. I loved my job but wanted more time and energy with/for my son. I’m now home with him by 5:40 instead of hiring a babysitter to pick him up after a long day at daycare and getting home at 7:30.

He’s now 4 and I’m starting to look for a different job that would be more fulfilling, but my current job was perfect for the season of life we were in.

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61 Jamie April 14, 2016 at 8:22 am

P.S. No one can do it all. We can’t be a good mom, employee, wife, friend, sister severy single day. .

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62 Susan April 14, 2016 at 8:31 am

No one is perfect. The baby stage is hardest for working moms- especially breastfeeding moms. I do not say that to better anyone, I say that because there is a larger time commitment involved for breastfeeding moms. You are doing awesome just surviving! I had found my groove by the time my daughter hit 1 year, but now my husband is out of town in a 3 month training program. My daughter is now 18 months old, so as you can imagine, life is pretty crazy doing this alone! I will say, ask Derek for help and let him actually help where he can. I had trouble asking for help at the beginning, feeling like moms have to do it all. But the truth is, we both work and we both can do the work at home and with baby. This too shall pass!

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63 Sara April 14, 2016 at 8:34 am

Ok. First of all the moms you describe DO NOT EXIST. I can tell you this confidently, as I too was in to total awe at how people managed to do it and feeling as the most inadequate person in the face of planet earth when I had my boy. It’s a ridiculous standard that spurs from our highly social media driven society. I’ve had my misadventures in motherhood and now (8 yrs later) can look back and say with humility that I had no clue what I was doing. But still, I was making mistakes for all the right reasons and with a heart full of love. So are you! You are a perfectly ok, perfectly adequate and perfectly loving mom! The mere fact that you worry shows how much you care. Yes, it does get better (in a way) , and no, it doesn’t, it gets worse! They are people. Children have their own little brain and their own little agenda of their own. They like to do their own little thing and be contrary, and disprove all the parenting books. Guess what , the guru on child sleep patterns who wrote the book you are reading wasn’t rising your child. This child is yours, being raised in your household and she is unique. I learned that the hard way. And when I came to that realization I started raising MY child and I found the best parenting book ever written. I wrote it in my head, by yours truly, and it had an amazing pice of advice: to let go and take my child, my life, my marriage as they are: imperfect.
With all that said , I am also going to say something a bit unpopular. Everyone will tell you it’s normal. Just the normal struggle of being a mom. But postpartum depression is real and there’s no shame in suffering from its devastating toll. I’m not a professional, I can’t tell you if that’s your case or not. A professional can and will tell you. But even if that’s not the case they will help you with strategies to cope. And that’s a win win right there. Good luck in your journey!

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64 Betsy April 14, 2016 at 8:42 am

You are doing such a good job. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time but I’m sure you are a great employee, wife and mother. If it makes you feel better, we tried putting our daughter down earlier, later, adding an extra nap, taking a nap away, etc snd she still doesn’t sleep through the night and is often up at 5 for the day. Sleep deprevation is so awful but I figure if that’s the worst thing right now, we are doing ok. I would imagine your commute is making things difficult, I know i struggle with mine because it takes family time away. I hope you find a happy balance soon or at least have a few vacation days to rest and relax

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65 Lara April 14, 2016 at 8:43 am

This is what your readers have been waiting for, a relatable post. You are the only healthy living blogger (that I follow anyway) that has a full time, work out of the home job, and that’s something to be proud of. I’m not a mother yet, so I have no idea how hard it is (but I can only imagine), but think of the example you’re setting for your daughter. Also, the mom you describe in your first paragraph doesn’t exist, and I’d guess that even if she was a SAHM, she still wouldn’t exist. I think it’s very refreshing (and rare) for a blogger to actually tell it like it is, and as a long time reader, I appreciate that. I think instead of expending your energy talking up breast-feeding and pumping, you might consider using that energy to spread the message that the US is the ONLY developed country with no paid maternity leave, that the majority of American working mothers have to go back to work within 12 weeks (if not sooner) of giving birth. that this is indicative of an American culture that doesn’t care much for work/life balance or mothers cultivating the next generation (I could go on)…just my $0.02.

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66 Ash Diamond April 14, 2016 at 8:45 am

You are doing a wonderful job. Also, any aspect of your life that you can outsource – DO IT! Hire someone for a day to clean the house, take Maddie to the vet for her shots, etc! This is what all my mom friends have recommended!
Ash Diamond recently posted..Inside My Favorite Room In Our Home

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67 Katy April 14, 2016 at 10:05 am

Are you kidding? HIRE SOMEONE? Could your privilege be any more blatant? I hope that you’re willing to pay for it – most people, especially parents – don’t have the luxury of outsourcing day to day tasks like that, but maybe it’s different in Park Slope.

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68 Megan April 14, 2016 at 11:12 am

YES. Thank you, Katy, for saying that! Most of us can’t afford to outsource things like that. Your lack of perspective is astounding.

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69 Ash Diamond April 14, 2016 at 11:42 am

Megan and Katy – this is not privilege it is merely choosing where to spend money. If I can pay $25 an hour to have someone clean my house that is $100 I would rather spend on that then on clothing, eating out or other discretionary costs in exchange to spend quality time with my family. Similar to all the other people commenting on this post I was merely offering my suggestion as well as applauding Meghann for everything she is doing and how real she is being with her readers.
Ash Diamond recently posted..Inside My Favorite Room In Our Home

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70 Shannon April 14, 2016 at 7:16 pm

Things really do get better after the first year. Between a baby, hormones, breastfeeding, and work, it’s pretty tough. Also, I found that talking openly with my mom friends and Employee Assistance at work helped me so much. I was so happy with my new life, but also kind of grieving the loss of my childless, carefree life – something that I felt like I wasn’t allowed to feel! The year mark really was when everything seemed to fall into place.
I agree though, we found someone to clean our house every few weeks and it made a HUGE difference. Rather than spending a Saturday cleaning my house, I could hang with the family or relax. It made a bigger difference than I could have imagined!!! Honestly, very worth the cost!!
Finally, I tried to take on the weight of the world with my family and my spouse. I felt like it was my job to do all the cooking and cleaning and keeping our home going and refused to ask for any help. I felt like I was failing if I didn’t do everything. Though it was hard for me to ask for help, my husband was so glad to help out in any way that I asked – I just had to speak up. That being said, way easier said than done!!! After some convincing (him telling me to let go!! :)), we set a drop off/pick up schedule and also scheduled in our workouts. I felt a lot better with some structure and with getting regular workouts in.
Hugs.

71 tracy April 14, 2016 at 9:07 pm

I think the point Katy & Megan were trying to make is not everyone has discretionary, disposable income that they can toss at a problem to make go away. Yes, if you budget to spend $100 reckless a month, in this situation I would say yes, that $100 is well spent on bringing in a cleaning service to relieve that pressure of keeping a clean home. However, many people are struggling to just make ends meet and don’t have a slush fund to reallocate.
Meghann, I hope you can find some balance. You don’t have to do it all. Social media only shows what people want to portray as their perfect lives. Stop killing yourself to live up to standards that aren’t real.

72 Beth April 25, 2016 at 8:21 am

I can’t believe how angry everyone is at this suggestion. I understand not everyone can hire a cleaning person, but it has been a real life saver for me (no more fighting with my husband about who has to scrub the bathtub) and for many of my mom friends.

73 Danielle April 14, 2016 at 3:33 pm

I have to second this suggestion – I’m not a mom but I used to spend weekends cleaning my house and finally realized it just wasn’t worth it and prevented me from spending time with my loved ones and hired a cleaning lady. Initially she came every 3 weeks and it was a huge help. Honestly even if you only do it once/month that helps too! Yes, you have to weigh the choice between paying someone else to do it (which is a privilege, for sure!) or doing it yourself and saving the cash, but that’s life!

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74 julia April 14, 2016 at 4:09 pm

Agree – we can’t afford a cleaning lady, but we do get groceries delivered every week or two. It’s only $10 for delivery and well worth it in my opinion! I’ve also dropped off laundry when the piles have gotten out of control – I drop it off on the way to work and pick up the folded clean clothes on the way home – it’s like magic.

We eat the same five meals for dinner too, and way more frozen pizza than I’d like, but that’s life. Someday I’ll cook again!

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75 Kate April 14, 2016 at 8:50 am

Hang in there. One small piece of advice that I wish I had done earlier (I am a daycare mom of 2 under 2 with another on the way – 3 under 4), get two more sets of botles. Seriously. The $40-$50 (depending on if you are wed to a particular brand and how much those cost) will give you some of your life back. You can stick dirty bottles in the dishwasher to run for another day and still have 2 sets that you just need to fill (not wash, dry and fill in the same night!). I am a penny pincher, but this investment is a game changer. Good luck!

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76 Valerie April 14, 2016 at 9:02 am

I hear you! Don’t feel guilty at all. I also have a 6 month old little girl and struggle with balancing working full-time and being a mom. The pressure is out there to be everything and I have to remind myself that all that matters is that she is healthy and happy. Our family has a new norm and we are still adjusting but she is thriving. I know working is important and it will help provide her with opportunities, and that is why I do it. You are not alone, and we are all cheering you on.

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77 Lily April 14, 2016 at 9:05 am

Honestly, you are one of those people that I’ve read their posts and been like “how the heck does she do it all??” You’re doing great, and you’re obviously a wonderful, loving mommy and wife.

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78 Danielle April 14, 2016 at 9:08 am

I never comment on blog posts but just wanted to reach out and say you are doing a great job and if I could give you a huge hug right now I would!! I am in a similar situation but my daughter is just a bit older. As moms it may be time for us to all throw the damn books and other people’s opinions out the window and do what works for us and our families. My daughter is a terrible sleeper and I was so caught up in doing everything by the book and I was so stressed out. I finally decided to say screw it and do what works for our family. We may not eat well every night, not sure when I will ever work out again but we are doing our best to enjoy our baby girl and these precious moments that go by too fast. Hang in there momma and know you are not alone!

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79 Amy April 14, 2016 at 9:09 am

I’m also a new mom and this post really resonates with me as so many others have pointed out. I didn’t read the comments on your last post, but got the sense you got a few negative remarks. I don’t think you have ever tried to portray the perfect life/mom status in your posts. Breastfeeding is hard and being a working mom and pumping is hard! Heck, being a mom is hard! If you want to write a post about how you rocked it even though it was really hard and awkward at times by all means do it. I don’t breastfeed (cue the horror!) and I was happy for you regarding your last post. It’s something that is important to you and you should celebrate those victories! Your daughter is perfect and thriving. Keep doing what you’re doing Momma!

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80 Jenny April 14, 2016 at 9:16 am

Having enough bottles and pump parts to last two days at work was a game changer for me. In doing these dishes every other day, it left time to do something else on the alternating days. Also my husband and I worked out a schedule where he did daycare drop off so I could get to work earlier and thus leave earlier to get to daycare in time for pick up and more bonding time at night. Honestly for me it was the worst when we started doing real dinners for LO and I felt I was rushing through the precious hour and half I had with him each night to get him dinner. (He went to bed at 6:30 at the time). Now at 18 months, he’s going to bed a bit later and we have so much fun in our time after work! It gets better, hang in there!

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81 Jenna April 14, 2016 at 9:16 am

It definitely gets easier. I felt like I was barely hanging on until around 11 months or so and then I finally felt like we were in a groove (mind you, she’s over 2, and there are still piles of laundry and breakfast dishes in the sink when we get home from work, but at least I can work out regularly, she loves “school,” and I’m back to cooking and reading for pleasure and things I totally took for granted before kids!).

I can’t give you a whole lot of advice because everyone’s life and baby and schedule are different, but I will say this: THROW AWAY THE BOOKS ABOUT SLEEP. Babies don’t sleep through the night because they are BABIES. Their neurological system is undeveloped. They are new to the world. They are growing and changing daily. Its frustrating to be running on a lack of sleep, but in the middle of the night, just do the best you can. Kiss her head and hold her hand and think about how lucky you are to have a baby to rock back to sleep. She will sleep eventually. But, she is not not sleeping because you are putting her to bed too late or because any of the other reasons that people who are trying to sell you books are telling you. She is not sleeping because she’s a baby and she needs you when she wakes up. That’s all.

Second, just surrender to bed at 8:45 or 8:30 or whatever time it is. Don’t fall asleep on the couch. Wash your face, brush your teeth, put on cozy PJs and go to sleep. Its tempting to spend adult time with your husband watching TV or catching up. But, trust me — get that sleep when you can. After about a year of going to bed at 9:00 every night, I finally feel caught up. And my husband will be there after the kids are more settled and grown. Its important to have relationship time, but no relationship can thrive when you are sleep deprived and exhausted. Just go to bed.

Third, if the daycare pickup time is too early, find a new daycare that works for you. Or one closer to your office. That stress is wholly avoidable. I switched daycare to one that was 30 minutes later because I realized that in order to be there at 5:30, I had to kill myself to leave by 5:15 everyday. Now, I still try to leave by 5:15, but I don’t have to have a heart attack about it if I can’t.

Lastly, remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Do what works for your family. Don’t compare yourself to others. Those women at whose feet you want to grovel (presumably for advice?) have their own host of problems and issues and insecurities and worries.

Someday, you will look back on that first year as one of the best and one of the worst of your life. But, you will survive. And your little one will continue to bring you so much joy and happiness.

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82 Adrienne April 14, 2016 at 9:19 am

You REALLY need to get Derek to help out more.

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83 Jenny April 14, 2016 at 9:48 am

This times a million. He’s her father. Don’t applaud him for doing the bare minimum. Demand it– and then some. Is there some reason he can’t wash her bottles? Meal plan?

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84 Rachel April 14, 2016 at 10:44 am

She never said that Derek isn’t helping out. I can’t speak for Meghann, but maybe he takes the cars in to be serviced, does all of the yard work, takes care of the laundry, takes the dog for a walk, and runs out to the grocery store for necessities. You never know what goes on in a household and to assume that Derek doesn’t help out enough isn’t fair to either of them at all. Meghann is writing about her day, not about whether Derek carries his weight.

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85 Tracy April 14, 2016 at 9:20 am

You are doing the best you possibly can, and that’s all you can do. It is hard to juggle all the aspects of life with a child but you will learn, and in time you will look at these tearful nights as a distant memory. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Focus on your priorities… that baby girl, and everything else will fall into place. I have an almost 1 year old and while I found so much balance in the recent months, I am still not where I want to be but I am happy with my new life and you soon will be able to reflect. Hugs!

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86 Heather @ fit mama real food April 14, 2016 at 9:22 am

Motherhood is a struggle! You are doing amazing with your beautiful girl and right now is definitely the hardest stage of adjustment. Mom guilt is a tough battle, you just have to find your own rhythm that works even if it means the same meals on repeat, falling asleep on the couch and crying every once in a while. I know from experience, crying can be such s good emotional release!

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87 Wendy April 14, 2016 at 9:37 am

The truth is, you are doing a great job. Your baby is happy, healthy and loved. In the grand scheme of things, that is what is important. Cut yourself some slack because no ones life is picture perfect. I have a 16 year old who is very self sufficient and I don’t make Pinterest worthy meals. We have to do what makes sense for us and our lives, not what someone said we were supposed to do. My advice would be to try and change your mindset. Focus on the positive instead of the negative. Instead of “I only get an hour with her before bed” it’s “wow I get to spend a whole hour playing and snuggling with her before bed”. I firmly believe in the law of attraction and the power of positive thinking. Just remember that no one is perfect but you are the perfect mom for Annalynn and that’s what really counts.

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88 Caitlin April 14, 2016 at 9:41 am

As a FT working mom of a now 14 month old, I can honestly say, none of us have it together. We just do the best we can with what we have. As long as your baby girl is happy and healthy, that’s all you need to feel successful. There aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done. Don’t add worrying about being perfect to your to-do list. Your honesty is refreshing, and is part of the reason why I read your blog. No one wants to see someone that can do it all! Keep your chin up, it gets better girl!

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89 brandi April 14, 2016 at 9:50 am

yup, yup, yup. same here, on everything. it is HARD. it’s all hard. but you guys are doing amazing, and you’re all healthy and thriving! there will be tough days – sometimes it feels like every day – but it’s all ok.
brandi recently posted..the baby food post!

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90 Lindsay April 14, 2016 at 9:56 am

As a long time reader I’ve always appreciated your honest posts like this one today. Don’t beat yourself up, do what you can when you can. One of my favorite quotes is ‘comparison is the thieve of joy’. Don’t let those ‘perfect got-it-all-together’ mommy bloggers make you feel bad about where you think you are, you have a beautiful family and a great thing going. Your world was rocked when you became a mom and it’s is definitely a learn as you go role that takes a lot of time to adapt to. Make yourself a priority and take one day at a time!

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91 Steph April 14, 2016 at 9:57 am

Meghann –

I will probably reiterate what a lot of people will say, but I can promise you this: IT WILL GET BETTER.

The first year of a baby’s life is the hardest. Not just for them, but for you.

Don’t ever feel bad for crying or feeling like you aren’t enough. Because you’re an incredible, loving, hardworking Mama who obviously puts her family first.

Message me – let’s meet up for a playdate (even though Z is 7, he is so loving and gentle with little ones, and enjoys playing and reading to them) and have coffee to talk. I’m here for you however you need a friend. 🙂

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92 Janay April 14, 2016 at 10:15 am

I definitely needed to read this today. I feel like this alllll the time. I get so much anger to those moms I see on my Facebook wall that have it all together while I’m over here being a hot mess and trying to make it work. My husband travels a few nights a week and some nights I cry because I feel like I can’t do it all. And the truth is, you’re right. You’re making everything work out the way you can and if that means replacing something in order to enjoy time with your sweet daughter then so be it. We’re still learning how to manage life with a baby. I’ve come to make sure that I celebrate the little things that happen daily. It helps! For example, if my son ended up waking up only 2 times instead of 3 times in a night then that’s a call for celebration. Just remember, in our little ones eyes, all they see are their moms being rockstars! 🙂

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93 Lindsay April 14, 2016 at 10:23 am

just wanted to comment to say…. you are not alone <3

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94 Nikki April 14, 2016 at 10:25 am

It gets better…and easier…and don’t listen to the books. Do what works best for your family! Being a working mom is hard work and I highly doubt there are any moms, working or stay at home, who really have it all together. Its easy to show off all the highlights, but everyone has their overwhelming and not so picture perfect moments! You are raising a happy beautiful little girl, that is what counts!

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95 Anna April 14, 2016 at 10:25 am

I promise you, no one has that Pinterest perfect life. And we all kill ourselves for some reason to live up to a falsehood. The house won’t always be picture perfect and food is about survival. PB&J is acceptable to avoid extra clean up haha! Get that thyroid stuff checked stat! I went 18 months feeling awful and it took switching doctors four times for one to finally give me a referral to an endocrinologist (to shut me up she said). I went in November and she started me on medication and I feel a million times better. I’m back to working out regularly, eating better, lost almost 40 lbs and starting to feel like ME again. I stay home with youngest ones (3, 2 and 1) and my oldest go to 1st (7) and Kindergarten (5.5). Mine are adopted so I never was able to breastfeed but I think you making breastfeeding a priority because it’s important to you and your daughter rocks. Ignore these haters. The first year is the hardest because you are trying to figure everything out and they don’t sleep. And once you get them to sleep, they will start teething and be up again. It gets better! Everyone has mom guilt and we are all (mostly) doing just fine and our kids will be fine!

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96 Sara April 14, 2016 at 10:30 am

I’ve been on this rodeo twice and am staring down the barrel of a third ride. I am by no means a pro, but here are a few tips that have worked for us:
1) hire a cleaning lady if you can afford it (best post-partum money ever spent);
2) find some flexibility in your work schedule (part-time; one day from home; early leave + after hours catch-up; whatever you and your boss can work out);
3) adjust expectations about running and working out but don’t eliminate it all together;
4) buy enough bottles so that you don’t have to wash everything every night (just rinse them well and wash every other night); and
5) be kind to yourself.

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97 Lacey April 14, 2016 at 10:33 am

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling but relieved to hear you being honest! I’m not a mom so my only suggestion is maybe you could change the hours you work so that you’re getting home earlier in the evening?

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98 Rachel April 14, 2016 at 10:35 am

This is why I love your blog, Meghann. You’re relatable. Many of us have the same schedule with a full time job + day care drop off + clean the bottles + cook a meal + collapse on the couch, but that’s not the lifestyle led by any of the other blogger I have followed over the years. I appreciate the honesty in this post because the feelings you express are real and shared by many other working moms.

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99 Sam April 14, 2016 at 10:39 am

Thanks for the honest reflection. You know what? The perfect mom doesn’t exist in any mom’s eyes. Everyone has their “thing” that they aren’t doing. It’s all about prioritizing the few things that make you happy. And at the end of the day, your babies think you’re the best mom ever. Really, that’s all that matters.

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100 Hillary April 14, 2016 at 10:42 am

I rarely comment but I just had to today – thank you for being so honest and vulnerable! Sending hugs and good vibes your way. I LOVE seeing your cute baby pictures and reading updates about your life. My most favorite posts are when you go to DISNEY WORLD!!! Everyone so often I’ll re-read your WDW44 challenge 🙂 I have such fond memories of going to Disney with my family as a kid (even though it was only a handful of times), but it’s so fun for me to see your pictures and hear about what you all do there.

Have you considered crock pot meals to help with the dinner routine? I know they aren’t often the sexiest or the healthiest, but it is sure nice to come home to hot food! Use whatever tricks and shortcuts you need to get through, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about your choices! You’re doing what is best for you and your family at this stage of life, and it’s ok if that means take-out, boxed mixes, fewer workouts, or fewer blog posts. 🙂

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101 Melissa April 14, 2016 at 10:44 am

Meghann, Don’t try to be super mom. You’re doing an amazing job. You little girl is thriving and growing and that’s the main thing. This haze will soon pass and things will get easier as she gets older. I don’t know the situation with your hubby but if he isn’t helping out as much as he could, I would ask for it. I know sometimes I try to do everything and then I get so angry and frustrated that I blow up. Tell him what you need. Take a couple hours on Sunday and try to prep some stuff for the week ahead. Hang in there, you’re doing a great job!!!

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102 Penny April 14, 2016 at 10:45 am

My advice is to stop reading the books. Sleep is developmental, she’ll sleep one day regardless of what you do or don’t do. My baby is 14 months and still doesn’t sleep through the night. I stopped caring. I also started washing pump parts weekly instead of nightly, I eat pizza half the time, and I get no exercise. So what, she’s only small for so long, I have next year to get into shape again. I do the same race home every night that you do, to attempt to put her to bed at 5.30 because she’s a terrible napper. So I try to think of the night wakings as her attempt to say hi since we don’t see each other all day. It almost makes me feel better.

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103 Rachel April 14, 2016 at 10:51 am

Everyone seems to have a solution in the comment section. I’m sure Meghann has considered her options. Part time hours? That means part time pay. Hiring someone to clean the house? That’s an expense that most people can’t justify. Selling their house, quitting their jobs to be near her parents with the expectation that grandparents are always willing to be full time babysitters? That’s ridiculous too. Fact is, thousands of women have are in the same situation and make it work. The baby period is stressful to juggle with a full time job, but it does get easier.

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104 Lacey April 14, 2016 at 2:37 pm

I think people are just trying to be helpful and offering suggestions of things that have worked for them. It seems like Meghann is lacking this kind of guidance in her “real” life and welcomes comments and suggestions from her readers.

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105 Karen April 14, 2016 at 11:03 am

I think you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself and doing some comparing to others which can be harmful and in the long run doesn’t matter. I know it can be hard but just take it one day at a time.

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106 Kim April 14, 2016 at 11:03 am

Maybe step away from the blog for a few weeks. It’ll be one less thing on your plate. Also, use paper plates and plastic forks for a few weeks.

Have you spoken with your doctor about your anxiety?

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107 CaitlinHTP April 14, 2016 at 11:16 am

Hugs, honey. I know that you and Derek are both working really hard and doing the best you can. I know things will get easier for you overall, especially as she starts to sleep more through the night and also goes down easier. I was surprised at the comments on your last post because most parents *should* remember the stress and anxiety that naturally comes with small babies. I wish people could be more gentle with one another. Hugs!

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108 Allison April 14, 2016 at 9:15 pm

I’m with you. The comments in the last post made me sad. I couldn’t imagine how awful Meghann had to feel when she read those. Motherhood is hard. Breastfeeding and pumping can be so all consuming. So Meghann, you do you, momma. I have no advice. I just have warm fuzzy internet hugs, and want to say that it really does get better.

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109 Kristen April 15, 2016 at 10:04 pm

“most parents *should* remember the stress and anxiety that naturally comes with small babies”
Right? Plus parenthood, especially with a wee baby, can be ALL ENCOMPASSING. When you have a small baby, your life becomes trying to keep this small human alive. 6 months is such a small amount of time to have tried to pull it all together and make things work. Adjustments happen slowly. I haven’t been following Meghann’s blog much recently (my life is busy and I don’t really read many blogs these days), but she has always blogged her reality and right now? Parenthood is reality. Keeping a baby fed and clothed and sort of slept is reality. And the rest is just gravy. If there’s time for other stuff? Great.
It is fine to say “you know…this blog isn’t what it used to be” but of course it isn’t. If it was it would be weird. No one stays the same forever…

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110 Lena April 14, 2016 at 11:22 am

Those women that you spoke about in that first paragraph, it’s a lie.

It’s fake, not reality. If there are women like that it is such a small small percentage that it doesn’t truly capture struggles of the average, American mother. We are expected to have it all, the husband, kids, the job, the dog, a spotless house, home cooked nutritious meals every night, hobbies that you can spend your time on, oh…and look flawless while doing it. It’s a lie, and women kill themselves every. damn. day trying to fit this impossible mold. There aren’t enough hours in the week (not just day) to accomplish this.

The mommy wars need to stop. We need to support and encourage each other. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child, it’s not just a saying, its the truth. There are things that you just need to let go of, be at peace that there are things you can’t do because it doesn’t work for you. It’s not wrong or bad, it’s just what works for your family. There is no wrong way to raise your beautiful little girl. As long as she is safe, clothed and fed, then you are doing great Momma! Just take a few breaths and let stuff roll off your back, you’re doing a great job!

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111 Katie April 14, 2016 at 11:29 am

You’re killing it Meghann. Hang in there. The sun is coming.

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112 Katherine April 14, 2016 at 11:30 am

You are not alone. Mom guilt does not go away. I focus on how how happy my 16 month old is at daycare, at home, out in public. I also focus on how the teachers are amazing and way better at teaching than I am. If I’m lucky, I get to see him for about an hour after work before he goes to bed. I stopped reading parenting advice, since it made me feel inadequate, and started listening to my instincts.

Yes, my house is not as clean as it use to be, but it is organized. Continue with your exercise it is the only time to take care of yourself. As far as cooking, we started doing meal kit delivery a few times/month (Local Crate similar to Plated). This has helped with food variety and stress about what to cook.

Cleaning bottles and pump parts suck but it is not forever. Only a brief moment in her life. I keep reminding myself that he will only be a baby/toddler for a fraction of his life. Plus, he won’t remember this time. My first memories were at 4.

Take days off for yourself. I take a full or part of a day off to get my hair done. I will also use this time to clean. It is amazing how fast cleaning goes when you are alone.

Hang in there. You are doing an amazing job.

Katherine

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113 Jessica April 14, 2016 at 11:30 am

As someone in similar shoes, I have a 5 and 2 year old and went back to work 10 weeks after each was born, the best advice I was given was to embrace those individuals that are caring for your child as your extended family. My kids love their teachers and their teachers love them. When I realized this I let go of the guilt I had surrounding working full time outside of the home. I love what I do and I love my kids.

To quote one of my favorite Podcasts – You are doing a good job!

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114 Jade April 14, 2016 at 11:30 am

I’m usually a lurker, but had to chime in as I’ve been noticing similarities between you and I – especially with my first. I understand you are getting advice out the ting-yang and can definitely press delete on this, but here me out first ;). With my first, I was always worried that my supply would just die, (I went back to work at 6 weeks), and therefore my baby would not love me anymore because I couldn’t nurse. I was a slave to the pump thinking that missing a session here and there was so detrimental. It made me go crazy, it added so much anxiety and fear that I literally could not sleep in between the middle of the night feedings. So not only was I sleep deprived because someone is waking you up at night, I was even worse because I got even less sleep.

I have only now been able to see (after having my second and becoming naturally more relaxed and now even preggers with #3) that I allowed it to rule my life and in turn sort of ruin it. Your baby will love you regardless of how much milk is there. Your baby will know you are mommy regardless of who interacts with them all day. If you miss one pump session, it will not mean the death to your supply. I pumped so much extra with my second, that I had to donate a good lot because otherwise it would have just gone to waste. I also did end up going on an anti-depression medication about 4 months post partum with my second (a lot of compounding factors) but that also allowed me to relax even more. I’m not saying that is what you need to do at all, but don’t let these anxieties drive you crazy!

Being a mom is the hardest job in the world, no one tells you that when you get pregnant!

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115 Pea April 14, 2016 at 11:37 am

This is so real and relatable. I am full-time working mom, runner and my 9 month old who isn’t sleeping through night. After stomach flu, ear infection, it sometimes feels like the walls are caving in, but I am trying to listen to those who tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I love my baby so much and the comparison game is not a fun one.

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116 Kelly April 14, 2016 at 11:37 am

Thank you for being so honest! I just returned from my maternity leave a little over two weeks ago, and balancing it all is hard, not to mention the mom guilt. Admitting this guilt and the fact that you can’t do it all makes you a great mom. Annalynn will realize these sacrifices one day and will see what a strong mother and role model she has! I know it’s hard to not beat yourself up, but you are doing great despite all the challenges that come with being a working mom. I question anyone who says they have it all together!

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117 Elizabeth April 14, 2016 at 11:48 am

Oh man, I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. I have a little girl about a week older than Annalynn and even though I’m lucky to be in Canada and have a full year of mat leave I still struggle with a lot of things you mentioned. Keep in mind that no one’s life is perfect no matter what they post on social media and be kind to yourself. If you want some suggestions for things I found helpful here’s what has helped me.

If you are in a position to (realizing that not every one is) hire some help. We only have a tiny one bedroom apartment and despite that we hired an inexpensive maid service to come once every three weeks and it totally changed my mental health. Similarly, we bought a subscription to The Fresh 20 meal planning service (only about $70 for the whole year) so we have a grocery list written for us and don’t have to think about it. Game changer! We’re eating awesome healthy innovative meals with very little effort on our part. The third thing we paid for was a sleep consultant which changed our lives entirely. So, so, so worth the money for someone just to tell us what to do.

Next, Get your hubby to help more! He can definitely wash those bottles and take over some of the dinner prep! Mine has told me my only job is to feed and look after our daughter, we split meals about 75-25 with him making the majority (to be fair though, he’s a trained chef). He does the majority of the laundry (don’t bother folding it – who cares) and I do the majority of the dish washing. If I asked him to he would do 100% of the chores no questions asked. Having a partnership is healthy and important and its ok to expect help with these things. Basically just find a balance that works for the two of you.

Find your tribe of moms with similar values. Its awesome if you can go out with them and their babies but you don’t have to. I’m part of a moms groups on FB for women in the same career as me and it’s been amazing to see that everyone else struggles with the same issues I do. Plus the advice (career, life and mom related) has all be invaluable.

Finally and I think most importantly, know when things have got to the point were you need to ask for help. I don’t mean with chores or child minding, I mean with mental health. When my daughter was going through her sleep regression I was in a terrible place mentally – crying everyday and having terrible panic attacks. With the support of my family I got myself into my doctor and was diagnosed with postpartum depression/anxiety. Beginning medication turned my life around. Postpartum mental health issues can affect anyone and the amount of joy I feel now that I’ve had a little chemical help is amazing and makes everything easier. Know that the symptoms of hypothyroidism often overlap with depression and please take care of yourself. Your physical and mental health is important for the functionality and health of your whole family and it is important to put yourself first and get help where needed.

Be kind to yourself.

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118 Grace April 14, 2016 at 11:57 am

Working full time with a baby is really hard, there’s no way around it. You have my sympathies. My daughter is four, and it still breaks my heart when she cries and begs me in the morning to stay home so we can play all day.
The single best bit of advice I have is kind of radical, I guess: look for a new job. No way in HELL could I parent a small baby and pump/breastfeed with a job that involves traveling. I just couldn’t do it. I very intentionally got a new job about two years before we started TTC, so I could be in my hometown with both sets of grandparents, have a short commute to work, and not have to travel. It involved a lot of sacrifices for both my husband and I, but the benefits are immeasurable: we never had to put my daughter in day care, she was always watched by a family member until she started preschool this year, my commute is 10 minutes on a bike, and when I was nursing my husband could bring my daughter to me on my lunch breaks so I never went longer than 4 hours without seeing her. And last year I pushed myself way outside my comfort zone, and changed roles within my organization so I can now telecommute 2-3 days a week and set my own hours. I know I’m really, really lucky, but I’ve also sacrificed a lot to have this set-up. I think when your child(ren) are young you can lean in or lean out, and I chose very intentionally to lean out before I even got pregnant. It’s made all the difference in the world; for me, my husband, and most importantly my daughter. Jobs come and go, but your relationship with your daughter is forever.

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119 sar April 14, 2016 at 12:36 pm

You are doing amazing!! Big hugs, giant hugs. Cooking dinner is huge. You’re doing great working and being a mama. The milk bottles & pump parts can go in the dishwasher. Hang in there!

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120 Molly April 14, 2016 at 12:40 pm

I have a toddler and just want to send hugs. Some things I learned along the way that I hope can help even a bit: No parent has it all together. We had 9 bottles when my son was that age so we didn’t need to hand wash. I doubt her later bedtime is the sole cause of not STTN, a lot of babies don’t at that age. Does/can Derek help with daycare drop-off/pick-up? I used to go to work really early and work through lunch so I could leave at 4.

Also, please do not take this as a comment on the quality of your blog, but have you considered taking a break for awhile? I love your posts (pre and post baby), but I have to imagine that you stress about putting up a post and that’s really the last thing a busy new mom needs. Maybe try a short hiatus and keep up with readers via Instagram?

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121 Jennifer April 14, 2016 at 12:40 pm

The truth is, you did not deserve the amount of criticism and ill-will on your last post. Just because you choose to blog and put your life out there for others to read and enjoy does not give people the right to tear you down every chance they get.

You are a real mom. You are fighting real struggles. Just because breastfeeding isn’t one of those struggles DOES NOT mean you deserve to be torn down for being proud of it.

I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. You probably hit post thinking that it was a positive post after a hellish week of work, and instead you got comment after comment ripping you apart for being proud of your accomplishments. You don’t deserve that. You’re a real person. Some people forget that there are real people with real feelings behind the words on these blogs.

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122 CaitlinHTP April 14, 2016 at 5:16 pm

Slow clap!

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123 Reenie April 15, 2016 at 10:05 am

Ditto! Also….. get your crock pot out.

xo

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124 Meg April 14, 2016 at 12:58 pm

I’ve never commented, and I’m not a mother, but I thought I’d comment as a child of parents who both worked full time my entire life. I am super close to both my parents, I don’t think of them as being absent from my childhood, and I really respected and thought it was 100% normal that they both worked. In hindsight, I can see they made choices. We ate dinner out a lot (not $$) and that meant we didn’t go on fancy vacations. But even at restaurants, we had dinner together and laughed and talked and it was great – and just normal for me. Our house was not spotless. My sisters and I all learned to do our own laundry early – and were better for it. Anyway, just saying – don’t worry about Annalynn, she’s doing and will continue to great with working parents, no matter how “perfect” things are! 🙂

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125 Jill April 14, 2016 at 1:36 pm

I hope you’re able to read through all of these supportive comments, and get some peace from it. My ONLY advice to you is to do what works for you and your family, and try not to care what anyone else thinks about it. As long as you’re managing ok, and your baby is safe and healthy, you’re doing a good job. That’s it! For fun, here’s a list of crap we did when our now-3 year old was an infant – if I’d had a blog at the time, I just wouldn’t have shared these because I’d have been scared of the reaction (but it worked for us, and he’s doing awesome):

* Formula. From like, the third day. Breastfeeding did NOT work for us, for many reasons, and once I realized that I wasn’t a horrible, evil mother (my lactation therapist was amazing and very supportive, and through several LONG conversations with her, I got talked off the ledge), I was so happy to be able to feed our baby! And it made it even easier to share the feeding ‘duties’, because everyone could feed him with a bottle.

* Sleeping – anywhere. The car seat. The swing. The crib. Bassinet. The car seat on the floor of the living room. Car seat on top of the dryer (white noise) (he was so tiny he wouldn’t have moved, but it’s not like I’d recommend it). On me. On his dad. On his grandfather, for HOURS (Grampy was so, so happy, he didn’t want to put him down).

* Put him to bed with bottles. Forever! No, seriously, longer than we should have.

* Gave him a soother until he was 18 months old. Along with that ever-present bottle.

* Let daycare potty-train him. This was actually AWESOME, and I love them for leading the way on this. The peer pressure of all the other little kids doing it made him learn it in about two days.

* Tried letting him ‘cry it out’ at like, two months. Bad idea (for us). Horrible 20 minutes. Did it again (using ‘cry it out to extinction’) at about 8 months. Worked out okay. Put him in bed with bottle. Genius. Out like a light (then we had to teach him to self-sooth again at 18 months when we took the bottle away).

I’m in Canada, and we do get that lovely 12 month period to figure out what we’re doing (sort of), and how to function (kind of). I can’t imagine having to go back to work after only a few months. I went after a year, and I was ready – and he was definitely ready to hang out with new people! He loves daycare, and has an awesome time with his friends. His teachers are awesome, he’s thriving, and I love picking him up and hearing about his day. He does go to bed early (7pm), so we also only have about 90 minutes for playing, eating, bath & bed routine, but we know it’s best for him, because he needs the sleep. I know you love the awake time with Annalynn – babies are so, so fun! Just try to soak up the weekend time with her when you can, and know that even though it sucks not having as much time with her as you’d like, you’re doing the best you can, and the best thing for her. And dude, daycare is not going to ‘close’ with your baby still in there! Maybe try calling them on your way over just to say you’re on your way, and then you can relax a bit. If I’m going to be later than usual picking up my kiddo, I call ahead just so nobody’s wondering. (3 year old does not care at ALL, he’d happily stay there all evening if he could).

Good luck. You can do this. It IS hard. But people seem to do it more than once, so it must get better, right? 🙂

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126 Jackie April 14, 2016 at 2:17 pm

Hi! I’m not a big commenter but just felt so compelled to say you are doing great. It honestly made my heart hurt seeing all those negative comments from the other day. I was even telling my husband about it that night. I know people are just giving thier opinion but it is hurtful. I’ve been a long time reader (since that awful Marie Claire article actually!) and have really enjoyed seeing the changes in life that are so similar to my own. I’m the same age, got married the same year and had my daughter just a few months before you. Like so many said, no one is perfect in parenting and there is no such thing. Every baby is raised differently and that is a wonderful thing. Books, articles, and even advice telling you the right way to parent might be fitting and helpful in some occasions but not if they make you feel bad about yourself as mom. Since you’ve had your little girl I can see so clearly how much you and Derek love her. You can just tell she is your whole world. Even though it hurts you so much to be away from her during work I bet you she feels loved all day long. I also bet your five rotating meals you eat every week are a whole lot healthier than most people eat! You and Derek seem like you’re a very good team and wonderful, loving parents, so chin up! You’re doing amazing!

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127 Candace April 14, 2016 at 2:20 pm

Hugs. Long time lurker, but I had to comment.

I think the feedback from readers regarding your last post was that you didn’t mind your TPOs with the pumping as well as you could have. Maybe the struggles you are facing make you feel that you need to show yourself and others how hard you’re trying to balance work and family, and the pumping was a manifestation of that.

Know that you’re doing fine, mama. Look how well your little girl is growing, how healthy and happy she is!

I have a baby who is a month older than yours and got inpatient treatment for severe PPD. My husband didn’t realize how badly I needed his support. Dont be shy about asking your husband to help out more around the house. He should be the number one person giving you a hand and giving you reassurance that you’re doing okay.

Also, I highly recommend the teaching your baby and toddler to sleep board on Baby Center. My son never slept more than 1.5 hours at a time until we sleep trained at 6 mo. Everything got SO much easier once he started to sleep better.

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128 Angie April 14, 2016 at 2:25 pm

The truth is…YOU are an amazing MOM. And the reason you are is because you put that precious baby’s needs above and beyond your own.

The truth is…YOU are an amazing MOM because you are a REAL MOM! Not one of those that states they can do it all when that isn’t true all the time!

The truth is…YOU can do this because your baby girl was sent to you and only you. And HE doesn’t send anything (or anyone for that matter) to someone that can’t handle it…and YOU CAN!!

The truth is…you have all of us here to vent your frustrations, describe your fears and express your desires about Motherhood and parenting as a whole.

Hang in there because the “village” has your back!! xoxo

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129 Amity Wyss April 14, 2016 at 2:36 pm

#MomLife. But that doesn’t make it any easier. Or less guilty feeling.

I do want to say that my thyroid levels were also off after my daughter was born and when I finally (it took me 6 months after the initial blood test- she was 1 by that point) went and did something about it the results were LIFECHANGING! Those final post baby pounds left (not important but always nice! Especially since everyone had been saying they would melt away because I breastfed…), my period returned (my daughter was 13 months old before it returned, about 15 days after I started the thyroid hormone), and, most importantly, my energy level and brain were finally back!

Best of luck <3

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130 Anne April 14, 2016 at 2:37 pm

Most babies of six months don’t sleep through the night. Stop blaming yourself. It takes a lot of figuring out how to make it all work. (I would love to read a blog about that whole process, by the way, I think every mom is drowning at some point and we all can use all the tips we can get). What helped me: make a menuplan, buy a crockpot, make freezer meals, order groceries and let them deliver. Divide up chores so I do a little bit every day. Spend a lot of time on Sundays to prepare for the rest of the week: I freeze sandwiches for the whole week, make salads to go, prepare and freeze food for my son, prep other food and snacks. It takes a LOT of work and effort and energy and sometimes it still all falls apart.

It’s half past 8 in the Netherlands right now, and I think I am going to bed. 😉

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131 Junkshow April 14, 2016 at 2:53 pm

You’re doing great. Thanks for sharing your struggles. We fellow Mamas need to hear that it’s not all cotton candy and rainbows for everyone else. You hang in there. I’m hoping it gets easier. I wouldn’t know yet, and my girl is 2.5. XO

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132 Pam April 14, 2016 at 3:14 pm

I have enjoyed reading your blog for a while now, but I really enjoyed it during you pregnancy because I was pregnant at the same time with my daughter she was born 10/19. I must say I was totally relieved reading your blog today! I literally feel the exact same way & it makes me feel crazy pretty much daily! I love you for keeping it real & your doing a great job, your daughter is beautiful, & you look great! Thanks again!

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133 Emily April 14, 2016 at 3:22 pm

I’m not saying anything that hasn’t already been said in one form or another – put you are NOT alone!! Our little ones are just a month or so apart in age, so I’m in the thick of it with you. I still work full time and stress out DAILY that I am NOT making enough milk to feed him. In fact, I’ve decided it’s OK to give him a bottle of formula a day and the rest breastmilk. I’m still giving my son as much as I can give him and he’s happy and healthy. I am so fortunate to have a nanny to keep him during the day and she is awesome with my son, but do I have jealously pangs some days, knowing they are going to the park and the library and she gets to see him all day, everyday?? Absolutely, and that’s OK. I try to make the bed each day, but I don’t worry about the massive amounts of hair that seem to develop on the bathroom floor each morning (hello postpartum hair loss!) or the dishes in the sink or that there is a layer inches thick on the furniture. My son doesn’t sleep through the night and on the occasions he wakes up and I put him in bed with me *hoping* for just 15 more minutes, he picks his head up, looks directly in my eyes and gives me a goofy smile that says “Mom, I’m not going back to sleep.” I, alone, get those moments and they are worth every minute of him not sleeping through the night. We are all doing the best we can. I applaud you for being the best Mom to Annalynn and the best wife to your husband! Virtual hugs to you!

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134 carol keefe April 14, 2016 at 3:27 pm

You are doing great!!! Don’t be off put by all the women who lie or embelish the truth….You are doing a fab job!!! Remember one day at a time and try to fine some time for you!! She is an adorable baby!!!

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135 Jenny April 14, 2016 at 3:35 pm

Hi Meghann,

First off, you’re doing your best and that’s what matters. I think if you really feel like something has to change for your mental health and prioritizing time with your sweet girl then sit down and really think about the possibilities of options within your control that can make things better and easier. Will your employer let you work from home one or two days a week some weeks? Could you work slightly longer days half of the time and have shorter days half of the time? Could you afford to work part time even 30 or 35 hours a week? It might take some hard budgeting changes but perhaps it’s worth it? Could you meal prep a bit on the weekend when you have a bit more creativity energy and time? Could your husband help more and take some pressure off of you?

Just some food for thought. Take control of the things you can control and make a better happier life for yourself.

Also as someone who was diagnosed with both Graves’ disease and Hashimtotos at 7 months post partum I HIGHLY recommend seeing a knowledgeable endocrinologist ASAP and asking them to test your tsh, t4, t3, tsi, tpo, and tgab. (The last three are thyroid autoantibodies)

Best wishes!

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136 Kristen April 14, 2016 at 3:39 pm

I’m not going to read all of these comments so I’m sorry if this is repeating anything they have said. Meghann – you are doing a great job. Being a parent is hard. Babies are hard. Not sleeping is hard. What you are feeling and going through is SO NORMAL. You are normal, your kid (who is your kid – not a sleep book author’s kid – your kid…so figure out sleep based on your lives, not their far away from your life recommendations) is normal, and your feelings and struggles are so valid. Be kind to yourself and give yourself lots of grace. It’s ok not to run marathons or PR or cook gourmet meals or get creative in the kitchen. You are doing your best and your best is good enough. You are enough and it really does get better.

(and if I can recommend a podcast for you – check out One Bad Mother. The podcasters have great senses of humour and awesome inclusive views on motherhood)

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137 Sarah April 14, 2016 at 3:40 pm

Do what works for you. My kids- 1 and 4- go to bed at 9-9:30 so I can see them after work. They wake up around 7 which means I can see them before I leave too.

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138 Catherine @ foodiecologyf April 14, 2016 at 3:46 pm

I’m not a regular reader of your blog, but I’m glad I stumbled upon this post.

I’ve been right where you are and I’ve cried and cursed and felt like a huge mess and failure. (In hindsight, I think I had some minor undiagnosed PPD and some weaning depression.)

I work full time, as does my husband. I’m envious of my SAHM friends, but then I realize I NEED to work out of the house for my sanity (even though, go figure, working also makes me feel insane). Plus, due to finances, I have no real choice.

I’ve tortured myself wondering what I was doing wrong and why my milk didn’t fatten up my baby – who at 18 months old is still off the damn charts for weight because he’s just tiny. (We now know nothing was wrong with my milk and I actually produced quite well for having to pump 3x at work.)

I’ve hated washing bottles and pump parts and barely spending time with my baby – who’s also put to sleep later than he should be. I felt like every choice I made was a bad one.

Motherhood is HARD. And I just want to give you a virtual hug and tell you that you’re doing your best and that’s all you can do. You’re setting an example to your daughter that she will one day appreciate! You’re contributing to your family as both a mother and breadwinner and that’s incredible!

It eventually gets more manageable. It never gets “easy,” but some of the frustrations do become smaller and less of a worry. And it’s ok that your daughter is in childcare. I think my son really enjoys his hours at daycare!

Also, based on the reading I’ve done regarding PP-related thyroid issues, I definitely encourage you to get that evaluated!

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139 Kate April 14, 2016 at 4:13 pm

I work full time outside the home, my husband works full time outside the home and we have three kids (aged 6, 3 and 1). My house is a mess, my workouts involve chasing after kids at night and on weekends, I haven’t had 8 hours sleep in over 6 years, my husband and I grab moments together when we can, our meals are healthy but super simple and I do not write a blog (or have much of any personal hobbies these days other than reading). But we love our kids, and they know it, and that’s all that matters. No one (I repeat NO ONE) is doing it all or doing it all well. Something’s gotta give, and that’s more than okay. Life continues to change and evolve and we can only ever do the best we can. I think you’re doing an awesome job. Try to be a little easier on yourself….your daughter knows how much you love her and that’s the important thing.

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140 Dianne April 14, 2016 at 5:01 pm

Listen honey, You are doing just fine. Stop listening to the “experts”. You just do the best you can. There is no absolute right or wrong with raising kids. You figure it out as you go. My “baby” is going on 32 and he is great. The “experts” change their way of thinking every few years. Go with what you feel is best. And stop stressing. She will be great. When I look at her pictures all I see is a very happy little girl. Take a deep breath. Don’t forget to get some time for you and DONT feel guilty about that. It will be okay.

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141 Meghan April 14, 2016 at 5:03 pm

You are not alone!!! I have tried to find a balance for 4 years now and with 2 kids and a full time job I too am drowning. I have been there, literally walking in the door and putting the baby to bed, or working so late that I don’t see her after I leave her at 7am. I can say it gets a little better as they get older.

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142 Jennifer M April 14, 2016 at 5:08 pm

You are doing great! You are completely normal and we have all been there. Your daughter is beautiful and so is your family. You keep doing what is right for the three of you right now and don’t worry about anything else. Sometimes dishes don’t get done and dinner is leftovers each night, so what.
My only suggestion is that if Annalynn really isn’t sleeping well at night, try to get her to bed a little earlier. I know that is a huge sacrifice, but it could get you to where you need to be. And if everyone is sleeping, everyone is happy. We made sleep a priority with our son and he is a happy kid because of it. (not saying she’s not happy, just my example).
But like I said, do what is right for you!
Keep up the good work. It gets easier as time goes on.

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143 jill April 14, 2016 at 6:04 pm

You are amazing! You are doing a wonderful job. I look forward to all your blog posts even more since you have had Annalynn, but no pressure to post more. It is a treat and a pleasure to read them.

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144 Amanda April 14, 2016 at 6:05 pm

You are not alone! I have a 4 month old and work full time in retail with crazy hours and sometimes feel like I’m drowning. Celebrate the victories you can, no matter how small.

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145 Amber April 14, 2016 at 6:15 pm

You are killing it. Thanks for keeping it real!!

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146 Betsy April 14, 2016 at 6:39 pm

What happened to your husband? I haven’t read your blog in a while so I apologize if I missed a post about a separation. I hope things get better for you!

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147 Marty April 14, 2016 at 9:05 pm

Why would you write that? Seriously?

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148 Nicole April 14, 2016 at 7:10 pm

Girl you are not alone. I basically just wrote this same thing in an email to my husband. It’s hard! And I have zero tips. I hope it gets easier for all of us!
Nicole recently posted..5 Reasons Why The Carlsbad 5000 is My Favorite 5k (and a race report)

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149 Jessica April 14, 2016 at 7:26 pm

This is the truth. And that makes it one of your best posts ever. Thank you for sharing your successes as well as your honest challenges. We all have challenges and even downright failures. I find posts like this far more refreshing than other bloggers who make it seem like everything is perfect for their audience, even web things may be in complete shambles and crumbling beneath their feet in real life. Hugs, mama.

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150 Jax April 14, 2016 at 7:42 pm

I have cried (and stress out on a regular basis ) trying to get to my kids before the daycare closes commuting through Tampa traffic. Hugs girl you’re doing a great job! And keep blogging about whatever you want to write about 🙂

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151 KJ April 14, 2016 at 10:04 pm

I know that you started out by saying that you feel like you’re writing the same post over and over…but I disagree. This post was refreshing, honest, real, and clearly has resonated with many, many people in a way that your other recent entries have not. I am not saying that as a criticism of your other posts, but rather as a commendation of your willingness to share your personal challenges in this one. I don’t have children, so I can’t really speak to “having been there” or offer any words of wisdom, but I just wanted to wish you the best as you continue to navigate through parenthood and say that your daughter is lucky to have a mother who cares so deeply and unconditionally for her.

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152 Caitlin April 14, 2016 at 11:39 pm

You are doing a great job. Don’t let anyone tell you any different (including yourself!). I like watching your blog evolve. I have read since the beginning, and my life has changed just like yours. Even if you loose readers who are no longer interested, your honestly will bring in new readers who can relate. I am a new mom to an adorable 4 month old. I can think of a million things to beat myself up over, but you just have to find a way to let it go and know you are all your baby needs, even if that is only a few hours a day. She doesn’t love you any less for it. Sit down with your hubby and assign tasks to each of you. Knowing some tasks are off your plate helps so much! My hubby does the bottles while i shower at night, etc. BUY MORE BOTTLES! It will change your life to go longer between washes.

Not all babies are the same. My little girl has slept though the night since she was two months old. Regardless of what time she goes down. BUT she has never actually latched on so I have not been able to breast feed. I look at your BFing stories with envy. I pump every day for all of her food. Some days that requires supplementing with formula. Some days I don’t know how I will keep going, but I try to remember it will get better and this is such a short time. She has also been on the low end for weight and had an allergic reaction to her first shots that just nearly required an er visit. **I don’t talk about these things to other people. I tell them about the giggles, snuggles, and fun times. Just know, we all have those times, struggles and non perfect lives.**

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153 rachel April 15, 2016 at 12:09 am

I’m right there with you Meghann. My daughter is 5 months, I work from home a few days a week, and have 1-2 breakdowns a week. I can’t imagine how you’re doing it from work everyday. When I read that you worked all weekend, my heart broke for you. This is why I love reading your blog, because of your honesty. It’s nice to feel like I’m not the only one who is struggling to balance and manage it all. <3

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154 gina (fitnessista) April 15, 2016 at 1:31 am

just wanted to send you some love and hugs. being a mom is an incredible, amazing, joyful job. it is also so INSANELY HARD. i’ve told tom multiple times that i have no idea how you do it. i stay at home for the most part with both kiddos (and liv goes to preschool!) and i still always feel like i’m behind. i can’t imagine having the same amount of chores and to-dos, while working outside of the home for so many hours each week. you (and all moms!) are a rockstar.
you and derek are doing an amazing job. hang in there, friend.

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155 Goldie April 15, 2016 at 3:54 am

Oh sweet mumma. You gotta drop some of them balls you keep trying to juggle. I know its easier said than done. I too used to exercise daily and loved to cook and bake for my partner. Those things went immediately. Exercise usually comes with walking a few miles with baby in the push chair. Also i bought a bike seat for baby so i can have time with baby and be active. Like you we eat meals that are kind of ok but at this time food is fuel. I figure there will be a time my baby will want to help and get involved with baking and cooking.

Sadly work is work and the bills need to be paid. The other stuff don’t sweat. Spend the time you can with baby. Also don’t think you’re alone. This is how so many mummies feel. Let your blog be honest to where you are in life. As your baby grows you’ll find it changes and those things that are hard to find time for right now will return.

Give yourself a break. You’re a wonderful mum. If you cut yourself some slack I’ll cut myself some too 🙂

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156 Jess April 15, 2016 at 7:05 am

I had a baby a few months older than yours and my transition back to work is hard. Things that I tolerated about my job are now unacceptable.

I’m working on transfering to work closer to home. The time in the car commuting is time I’ll never spend with my daughter.

Ps dads can wash bottles too.

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157 Elise April 15, 2016 at 7:27 am

Meghann–thank you for sharing such an honest post. I really appreciate this view into your life. I am not a mother, but I wanted to offer what encouragement I could, because women should lift up other women. My mother worked as a teacher my entire life. Sometimes that meant she didn’t chaperone field trips or come to holiday parties, but those things were so inconsequential when I think about everything I gained from watching my mother build a successful career. I never once doubted her love and devotion to me, and I got to watch a strong woman balance work and home life. Sure, sometimes she dropped the ball, but looking back I have to marvel about the fact that she took me to so many Girl Scout meetings and soccer practices.

Your daughter will undoubtedly feel the same way about you. You are setting an example for her that she can do whatever she wants in life. She can be a mother and still pursue her professional goals. That is a powerful message. Keep your head above water, and know that everything you are doing is enough.

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158 Crystal April 15, 2016 at 7:47 am

I’m not a new mom, but I am a physical therapist student and a server. I have no idea how you must feel not being able to be with your kiddo… but I completely get the rest! You’re doing an amazing job- and I know when you’re at the bottom it can be so hard to feel like it is going to get better… everyone will tell you that it will… and you won’t believe it.. but it does! I got divorced 2 years ago. At 27 I was living in my friend’s basement (because I had no where to go and couldn’t afford an apartment), working at Dunkin Donuts making $7 an hour (because I couldn’t find any other job), and going back to school- trying hard to get into the PT program that only accepts 24 students a year! When I was in the middle of it all I never thought it was going to get better- I was extremely depressed and unhappy. But slowly, the small victories happened.. and things have gotten better. The struggle still gets to me sometimes- because damn it, it is hard.. All the time. but when I take a minute to look back at where I was then- I am proud of where I am now! The road has been bumpy and messy- but this was my path…
You are doing a great job. Your family is beautiful. And you are enough- just the way you are! Keep your head up…

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159 Nikki April 15, 2016 at 7:51 am

As a parent of a toddler, I disagree with the experts saying you need to put your baby to sleep at a certain time. Don’t allow yourself to stress. If you want your baby to stay up later every night, then do it. She will take longer naps during the day!

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160 Laura April 15, 2016 at 8:43 am

Thank you for opening up and being so honest in this post! I wish I could give you a big hug right now! You are being an excellent mom to your daughter and that’s what matters! Not sure if it’s possible, but could you work from home one day a week? I wfh one day a week and it is so helpful-I do laundry, etc. on those days and it really helps get little chores accomplished so we aren’t doing them during the weekend or at night. I have a 5 month old so I know the struggle of wanting to be with them at night! My work is also pretty flexible with hours so I either work through lunch or only take a 30 minute lunch so I can leave the office between 4 and 4:30 every day which allows me to see my daughter earlier and we beat traffic! Maybe if you speak to your manager about your struggles they can help you create a more flexible work solution?
Laura recently posted..Getting Pregnant: Timing and Trying

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161 Shannon April 15, 2016 at 9:36 am

Hugs, mama! I’m right there with you. I have a 4.5 month old. I missed her so badly on Monday that I broke down in my office and cried my eyes out, getting mascara everywhere. I then proceeded to a 1.5 hour meeting and didn’t realize until I got home that night that I still had black streaks on my face. Ugh. Also? My husband doesn’t wash bottles. He hasn’t even changed a diaper yet. And ya know what? I don’t care (and no one else should either since it has 0 effect on them). I know he would if I made it an issue, but he does all kinds of other things that I have no desire to do. If anyone is reading this who wants to criticize Meghann’s husband, you need to realize you don’t know him or anything about their life beyond what Meghann shares in a 1,000 word post (totally just made that # up) a few times a week. It floors me that so many of these unbalanced and mentally unstable trolls care so deeply about your life that they feel the need to pick it and you apart. It’s clearly a reflection on them, not you. I’ve read your blog since 2009 when it was still “Inner Workings” and I know that you would never treat someone like these bullies treat you. It’s easy to see people’s insecurities float to the top in their comments–especially the breast pumping ones. I’m a just enough pumper, but have never once felt jealous or insecure whenever I read about other women who pump so much more. It just is what it is. All of our bodies are different. When will women learn to accept this on every front (body shape, athletic ability, breast milk storage capacity, etc.)? Comparison truly is the thief of all joy.

As an aside, I also read Erin Gate’s blog, Elements of Style. She has a 5 month old and recently posted this same type of post and was absolutely flayed for it (http://www.elementsofstyleblog.com/2016/04/struggling-with-having-it-all.html). I just don’t get it. As a fellow working mom of an infant, it offends me so personally. I don’t know many working moms IRL (most of my mom friends are SAHMs), so I really love hearing about other working moms experiences. I guess it’s a solidarity thing. Oh and a BIG thank you for mentioning the Working Moms Who Make Breastfeeding Work Facebook group; it’s been so insightful and helpful. It’s just about all I read on Facebook now. I tell my husband all kinds of things I read about on there like all these women are my BFFs, lol.

Ok and ONE more thing (ha!): I’m really looking forward to your Disney + baby posts whenever you have time to post them. And no big deal if you don’t have time! I took my baby to the Flower & Garden Festival at Epcot a few weeks back. It went smoothly, but it was a bit weird to have joined the stroller ranks! It looks like you’ve been carrying Annalynn in the Tula, so I’m interested to hear about your experience. My baby wasn’t big enough for the Tula whenever we went, but I just put her in it this weekend and I can see that being the way to go. My SIL wore her 7 month old when we went. The only downfall seemed to be having to carry a diaper bag. Anyway, can’t wait to hear about your experience!

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162 Kelly April 15, 2016 at 11:16 am

Honestly I think anyone, mother or otherwise, who says they have it together all of the time is lying. I don’t even have kids so I can’t fully imagine what you’re going through and I’ve still had times when I felt like I was drowning, didn’t have it all together, and was struggling to survive day to day. I’m guessing it takes some time to adjust to your new normal and decide what is worth stressing out about and what isn’t. I think it’s also wise to make sure there isn’t something bigger emotionally going on. I know there were times when I thought it was just life and it turns out it was anxiety or depression that was making things harder on me than they needed to be and once I got medication and counseling under control managing the day to day was much, much more doable. Definitely not trying to make an armchair diagnosis but do think it’s worth a chat with your doctor, especially if you’re also struggling with thyroid issues. I’m of the mind it’s hard to fully take care of those around you if you haven’t taken care of yourself first.

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163 Laure April 15, 2016 at 11:40 am

Meghan, dont let the people from the last post bring you down in anyway. My son is 1 year old and I went through the loss of a baby first just like you. I also just finished a year of pumping at work as an RN. It was an absolute constant battle. My work did not accomodate at all. I never had time to pump but I made a point to do it anyway. I hid in empty rooms, borrowed offices, etc. I totally totally get what you are going through. I have pumped on road trips in the car, I have pumped pretty much anywhere you can imagine. It is so exhausting and I really truly understand your struggle. On the other hand I am lucky enough to have flexibility in my schedule which allows me 4 days off a week. Hang in there mama! you are doing amazing!

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164 Megan April 15, 2016 at 11:45 am

I love your honesty and being able to lay it all out for us. I very much admire those moms and I’m not even a mom yet! (Give me a few years). I appreciate you providing the real perspective because now that I’m starting to wedding plan, I already feel like I’m drowning and I’m JUST heading into my busiest time of year. We’ve got this! Hang tough, Meghann!
Megan recently posted..Race Report: Angels 5K

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165 Mallory April 15, 2016 at 11:52 am

I have to echo comments about getting Derek to help more. It really doesn’t seem to your readers that he puts in much effort at all. Of course you’re drowning; your partner isn’t stepping up an equal amount.

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166 Michelle April 15, 2016 at 2:12 pm

Put the books down and repeat after me…. “Good for her, not for me.”

Enjoy the small moments and don’t worry about the things that won’t matter in 5 years. Make her laugh every day. Tell her you love her often. Hug her every chance you get. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. Hang in there girl – it doesn’t get easier (no lying from me), but you will find what works FOR YOU.<3

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167 MelanieF April 15, 2016 at 3:02 pm

I don’t read your blog as much as I did. I don’t have kids and I relate less to that part of your life. But, I have to say kuddos to you for everything you are doing! Give yourself a break, working 40+ hours a week with a small baby must be really hard. Take a break from blogging a little and give yourself a chance to breath with your child and husband. Meal prep as much as you both can, get the crockpot out, divide chors between you two and you will make it! Hang in there!

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168 Beth April 15, 2016 at 3:40 pm

Thanks for sharing so honestly. The truth is, you will always feel like you suck at being mom. I think that if you ever think you “have it under control” is when you should start to worry. 🙂

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169 Sara April 15, 2016 at 4:26 pm

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way but we all do feel that way at once. My son turns six months tomorrow, I work full-time, I’m training for a half-marathon, just bought a new house and am trying to sell my house (read having to clean it ALL the time). I’m lucky because my husband does all the cooking and grocery shopping and he is a huge help with night waking. But there are days where I feel like I’m terrible at everything and I want to ugly cry thinking about how little I see my son. I find it helps so much to restructure the way I think about the time I have with him and not focus on how little time we have. He goes to bed around 8-8:30 and gets up at 7. He takes several solid naps through the day and tends to be asleep when we pick him up at day care around 5:30-5:45. This gives us some extra time in the evenings, which is huge. Also, I don’t know if you’ve seen the Kiinde system but it really eliminates the washing if you have two sets of pump parts: https://www.kiinde.com/our_products.php
Hang in there and get yourself to the doctor. And thanks for being honest.

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170 Emilee April 15, 2016 at 6:42 pm

Thank you for this real post! Mommy hood is so, so hard! Keep doing what you are doing. Focus on that pumping, it’s amazing you can do that for her!!! I admire that you find the time to blog. I haven’t done a post since my girl was born, 13 months ago! Thanks for keeping it real! ?

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171 Kimk April 15, 2016 at 9:49 pm

Way to celebrate the small things! This post reads like my daily life minus the baby. I got married in November and some days I stay on the struggle bus. I remind myself one day at a time.

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172 Kerry April 15, 2016 at 9:54 pm

I don’t have kids or a dog but I can see how hard it is to work and be there for your baby and family. Thank you for sharing your life, and all of your experiences. I have been reading your blog for many years and have loved reading about your journey. From marathoner to tri athlete and now to new mom. From what you share, I think you are doing a wonderful job as a mom. There is so much societal pressure for women to be “all that and everything to everyone.” Even in this day and age. And sometimes, we are our worst critics. Embrace your support team and take comfort in the fact that so many of us are rooting for you and support you from all over the country. Write about what you want. Do whatever you feel is right. It’s your blog and it’s your life.

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173 Jameil1922 April 16, 2016 at 1:03 am

Many congrats to you on your breastfeeding success! Keep talking about it! You work for it and that’s awesome! Kudos!

Sleep is biological. You’re not ruining her. Americans are obsessed with infant sleep. It’s disturbing and bothersome. You may want to try the book “Sweet Sleep.” If you need any breastfeeding support, feel free to email me. You’re an inspiration to many women!

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174 Jess April 16, 2016 at 5:40 am

You are doing a great job and Annalynn is beautiful! Keep being you! Crying is totally normal and it’s good to get those emotions out. Hugs to you!
Jess recently posted..My Advice for Busy Mums trying to keep fit

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175 Jessica April 16, 2016 at 10:24 pm

It took me a long time to realize that the grass is always greener in someone else’s lawn when it comes to parenting and the internet. You have an infant, you’re in your first year — all of this is totally normal! Just keep chugging, and I promise it gets easier.

And seriously, my daughter still goes to bed at like 9:30-10pm every night and sleeps till 6:30-7:30a. She does great and while she wasn’t sleeping through the month until about 17 months, I just stopped paying attention to what everyone else was doing. Babies are so different, just like adults, and you aren’t doing anything wrong because your kid is different.

Hang in there mama!
Jessica recently posted..4/9/2016 – Gateway Motorsports Park – NASA Central Time Trials

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176 Julie April 16, 2016 at 11:19 pm

I followed your blog religiously throughout my life… until 2013 when I divorced my abusive husband.

I never commented, though I always loved your story. Your Disney trips, your runs, your foods, your take out, Derek, moving in, getting married, your family….

I feel like I know you. I randomly googled you tonight and this is what I found.

I hope you still read your comments. I just have to say that…

I don’t have enough time in the day as a single 36 year old woman. I don’t really apologize for that and I think you need to stop as well. you’ve been through a lot. You’re trying to keep your head above water and you’re doing an amazing job at it.

I just want to send you my love, as a forever lurker, and say that i wish you so much light and love – and in a society where everything always looks.so.dam.perfect… I fell victim to it… and i’m glad you’re being real about the struggles.

Love and light.

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177 Amanda April 17, 2016 at 11:56 am

I love this post a million times more than the posts that show people having everything together. Because that’s not the truth. No one has everything together! We are all just trying to survive. Sending you a giant internet (((((HUG))))))! Thank you for being real!

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178 Ashley April 18, 2016 at 7:39 am

Thank you, thank you.
Thank you for this post, thank you for your honesty.

I never comment but I struggle to be a working mom.. and some days I feel like I’m losing the battle. I needed to read this.. I needed to know I’m not alone.

Sometimes our best is more than our babies could ever wish for.

You’re a great mom! All of those feelings prove it.. Keep giving it your all!

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179 Kim April 18, 2016 at 8:08 am

Any reason why your husband can’t do the daycare pickup? One of you dropoff, one of you pickup?

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180 Katie D. April 18, 2016 at 9:46 am

Your honesty just made you 100% more relatable and real. Join the club 🙂 I work full time, have a 21 month old and am due any day with baby #2. Eleanor always went to bed late and didn’t sleep through the night until 14+ months. Put the books down and follow your gut. Spending time as a family is important. I just started C25k (after being SUPER active pre/during pregnancy) when I started feeling like crap all the time and stopped – yup, I was pregnant. We eat basic meals (quesadillas, spaghetti, grilled cheese, chicken legs, etc) and my house frequently feels trashed (currently there are 4 baskets of clean laundry on the dining table) but playing outside together trumps housework. Toddlers don’t care about wrinkled clothes.

You are not alone, so don’t worry about blogging. Just keep it real when you do 🙂

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181 Katie D. April 19, 2016 at 12:02 pm

I also changed careers when El was almost 1. BEST DECISION EVER! My current company is so family focused and much less stressful. It really increased my happiness and sanity a lot!

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182 Katie April 18, 2016 at 11:38 am

I’ve been there. I think all moms have been. Probably all dads too, but I think women struggle with the guilt and pressure of “doing it all.” You’ve hit what I called my “something has gotta give” point. Don’t let it be your sanity. As tony Horton says “do your best and forget the rest.” No guilt about any of it. Pick some very achievable goals for your day so that at the end of the day you feel satisfied with your efforts. During the long days and nights, one of my goals every day was to “feel the joy.” It meant to me that I was going to ignore the dishes, the laundry, the baby weight, the bad hair day (month), and I was going to sit and laugh and snuggle and be present with my family. And then my heart refilled from a draining day. Good luck! You’ll find your own way and it will be exactly right for your family.

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183 Rebekah Smith April 18, 2016 at 12:30 pm

Girl you are OK!! You are doing fine. It is just a season of being tired and not having everything together. BUT THAT IS OK. There is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Before you know it, things will change and you will look back thinking, wow we made it!!! Having a baby changes EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. Your life will have different seasons from here on out. You are rocking it the way you do. Do what is best for you 3. Nothing else matters. It takes time and for the babe to get bigger before things settle down a bit. <3

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184 Christy April 18, 2016 at 2:57 pm

The truth is there are so many of us out there that wish we were had that busy baby life but never got our rainbow babies. Our houses are clean, our laundry is done, our dinners are home cooked and healthy and our hearts are empty. You are so fortunate to have the privilege of having a baby in the house so please keep all the rest of the “stuff” in perspective. The only thing that matters in this world is your beautiful family! Cherish these days and let the rest of the stuff go!

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185 Jade April 18, 2016 at 8:49 pm

It gets better!! You really need to pat yourself on the back for doing what is best for your baby. The first year is so hard. So stinking hard!

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186 whitney April 19, 2016 at 9:01 am

You figured out this whole mom thing QUICK. Truth is, you can’t do it all. Not the first year. We all learn that the hard way. You are doing what is most important – being a family and enjoying that tiny miracle. The other stuff will filter back in. She will soon feed herself, sleep for long stretches, walk on her own, not have to be carried everywhere. She will soon take some of the time-suck away by being self sufficient. You will be yourself again. I have an almost three year old – and if someone had told me this 6 months in – i wouldn’t have believed them either. But, this is just a season. A season to enjoy. Afterall, Rain makes flowers grow 😉

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187 Georgia April 19, 2016 at 7:49 pm

As a new mum also, let me tell you that you’re doing BRILLIANTLY! If there are no tears you’re not doing it right 😉
Seriously though, the US set up for parental leave still does my head in and I find it hard to believe that you guys, in a sense, *have* to go back to work when bubba is so little – that would really compound the stress of things.
Sending you many good vibes! 🙂

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188 Juli D. April 20, 2016 at 9:20 am

I’m sorry you’re struggling. Adjustment to motherhood is so hard, and adjustment to working motherhood is also so hard. You WILL get it figured out. The best advice I can give is to focus on one day at a time. The hard days are only temporary, so remember that when it’s a particularly bad day. I think postpartum hormones make it hard too – I did not have PPD but I definitely was off emotionally – I cried more easily, snapped more easily, I didn’t feel like myself. If you do think the sadness feels more permanent, please do reach out for help. I very distinctly remember after my daughter turned 1 that I started to feel like “me” again – my brain felt back to normal. So it WILL get better.

Also, I remember thinking, how can I possibly have any more children when it’s so hard with one? I had my son almost a year ago, and adjustment from 1 to 2 compared to adjustment from 0 to 1 was a BREEZE. My hormones only felt off kilter for maybe the first month, so that helped, but life seemed to fall into place more easily and going back to work was so much easier too. So just know that it DOES get easier but it takes time to figure out a new routine. The lack of time with them during the week is hard (both my kids go to bed between 7-8 which means I get 60-90 minutes with them after work.) 🙁 BUT I look at photos of them after they go to bed and really try to soak up the weekends. Again IT WILL GET BETTER/EASIER.

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189 rose April 21, 2016 at 9:31 am

I’ve never commented before, but I just wanted to say thank you so much for this post. My baby is almost 4 months and I’ve been back to work for just a few weeks and it is so Hard. I am exhausted. Right now, my baby is sick, and I am sick, but since she is sick, instead of relaxing and recovering I am home doing mom stuff and not taking the good medicine because of breastfeeding. Also, I have all the responsibility of feeding our baby including cleaning pump parts and bottles, prepping bottles, etc. My husband takes care of other stuff, like feeding the two of us, general house chores, and picking up our daughter from daycare long before I even leave work. Everything else? It just doesn’t get done.

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190 Riley April 23, 2016 at 12:58 pm

Honestly, I don’t think it gets better unless you make it get better. Babies just get busier and harder as they get older, so you need to make changes to help yourself or you’ll keep drowning, which is what happened to me. I was obsessed with keeping my house spotless. OBSESSED. Finally my dr diagnosed me with PPA. I didn’t go on meds, but just knowing that it was hormones that were making me crazy helped. I was able to take a step back and ask if I was being rational or hormonal when I found myself cleaning the bathroom at 2 in the morning after waking up for a feeding. I know lots of women who pump can also get obsessed and it sounds like you’re getting to that stage. There’s absolutely no shame in asking your dr for help or asking about PPD or PPA. It’s real and it’s hard and it sucks. But it CAN get better if you face it and deal with it but you have to face it. Or it won’t get better. Good luck with everything. I hope you find some answers/balance in your life!

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191 Alicia April 24, 2016 at 9:02 pm

I honestly don’t think those Moms exist and if they do, they most likely have tons of help that they either don’t acknowledge or hide. That’s the evil side of social media. We see these people that look perfect when we miss all the hard work, sweat and tears that make it look so perfect. I only work 3 days a week and have a hard time. But like many others mentioned, you might be dealing with PPD and it doesn’t make you a bad mom if you are. Good luck Momma. Just know, you aren’t alone with your fears and tears. I’m 14 months in to my first kid and I still have a breakdown about once a month. Usually it’s a sign that I need a date night with the hubs and I feel better. Hugs.

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192 vks April 29, 2016 at 3:52 pm

Longtime reader, I don’t think I’ve ever commented before today. It is HARD. And one of the things I find hardest about it all is that I can’t even articulate WHY this life, that I picked! I picked this!, why it’s so tough. What’s made it do-able for me is joining a working mom’s support group (I know, one more thing to do) that put me in touch with many wonderful mothers who are living the same life I am, and I can see that we all struggle with the same things and we can all share ways to muddle through. It’s been eye-opening and given me a lot of support to have that group in my life.

Secondly, I don’t want to suggest that you have to leave your pre-baby self behind, but in a lot of ways, you’re becoming a new iteration of yourself. Think about what it was like to be a teenager and to be growing into a person you would become–how long that took, how often it was uncomfortable and difficult. Growing into yourself in this new chapter of life is similar in a lot of ways. It gets better!

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193 Adie May 2, 2016 at 11:42 am

Oh man, I feel you so much with this and I don’t have a blog to keep up with. It has been near impossible to maintain any semblance of what used to be our normal since bringing Oliver home. It is both wonderful and completely overwhelming at the same time. I don’t even want to think about how many times we’ve just given up on groceries and ordered pizza to get through the next couple days. I have no words of wisdom, but I can offer all the empathy I have!

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194 Amanda May 7, 2016 at 9:24 pm

Well you already have a ton of comments so you probably won’t even see this, but for what it’s worth I am a full-time working mom with a 9-month-old and it is so, so hard. You are not alone, and no one “does it all.” My daughter has been having trouble sleeping lately and it’s so tough on everyone! Sounds like you’re doing a great job 🙂 cheers from Oklahoma!
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