A Facebook friend (pshh… what am I trying to hide, it was the ever intelligent and always on point Katy Widrick) recently shared a post by Renegade Mothering called “The No-Bullshit, No-Drama Friendship Manifesto.” Granted, the post was mainly geared towards mom friends, but the whole time I was reading it I kept enthusiastically nodding my head and agreeing with every statement.
My favorite part:
4. If you tell me you’re going to call me back “in a few minutes” I understand I may not hear from you for 3 days.
5. I know this is not because you don’t love me.
6. If I need you for real, I will harangue and harass you until you acknowledge me. This process includes, but is not limited to: calling, texting and emailing (repeatedly), instant messaging, tweeting, tagging on Instagram, showing up on doorsteps, actually leaving voicemails (!) and/or contacting spouses.
7. This will not annoy you because you know you’re a fucking flake.
8. This will not annoy me because I know I’m a fucking flake.
9. If you don’t RSVP to my kid’s birthday party for 3 weeks then call the morning of the event and say “Uh, yeah, um, sorry, but can we come?” I’m not going to express profound irritation through a suppressed sigh and deep pause, rather I’m gonna be like “Yeah that’s cool, but do you have any candles? I forgot the effing candles.”
10. And I’m going to be happy you came, because we’re friends.
Yes! Amen. This is my friends and I in a nutshell (except, replace “kids birthday” with “get together” and “candles” with “bottle of wine.”).
To be honest, this is something I used to really struggle with. Back in college I had a lot of anxiety surrounding many of my friendships and often feared I would lose them for not contributing to the friendship enough. Instead of bringing friends closer, I ended up creating unnecessary drama and turned into a crazy person. College as a whole was a weird time for me, don’t get me wrong I had a blast and despite some drama (who doesn’t have drama in college?!) I ended up making some amazing friends that I still stay in touch with today (though now we’ve discovered the “No-Bullshit, No-Drama Friendship” works best for us).
It wasn’t until about a year after I graduated when I really took the time to discover who the real “me” was. Turns out I HATE drama, I’m not great on the phone (God bless who ever created text messages!), I love making last minute plans (so… I know we haven’t talked in a few weeks, but are you free tonight? Let’s do something!), I don’t need other people to make me happy (it’s okay to go to the movies by yourself! It really beats the alternative of staying at home and sulking that no one will go with you), and friends who accept you for who you truly are are seriously the best friends a girl can ask for.
Now that I’m in my thirties I’ve learned to be pickier and wiser about which friends I choose to have in my life. That’s the real beauty of getting older, you can learn to dodge the drama (well, for the most part). Even better is when you find the perfect partners-in-crime who feel the same way as you. Maybe that’s why my family remains so close? The truth is I don’t talk to my mom every day and if I go a week without calling her she never questions it, we just pick-up right where we left off the next time we connect. It takes a drama-free flake to raise a drama-free flake and thank goodness my mom is a drama-free flake (I say that in the most loving way possible, Mom! thank you for staying drama-free).
I guess what I’m trying to say is life is so much easier when we stop worrying about being perfect all the time and start being real. Life is too short to obsess over the little things instead of enjoying the big things. I’m a flake and I’m okay with that. I put my foot in my mouth all the time (like ALL the time), but a true friend realizes that sometimes I do that and it’s okay not to judge (okay, I’m sure they judge a little). And when you really need me, I’ll be there in an instance – no question.
Now who wants to get a drink? (sparkling cider for me, of course 😉 )