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Life is too short for drama

by Meghann on June 4, 2015

A Facebook friend (pshh… what am I trying to hide, it was the ever intelligent and always on point Katy Widrick) recently shared a post by Renegade Mothering called “The No-Bullshit, No-Drama Friendship Manifesto.” Granted, the post was mainly geared towards mom friends, but the whole time I was reading it I kept enthusiastically nodding my head and agreeing with every statement.

My favorite part:

4.  If you tell me you’re going to call me back “in a few minutes” I understand I may not hear from you for 3 days.

5.  I know this is not because you don’t love me.

6.  If I need you for real, I will harangue and harass you until you acknowledge me. This process includes, but is not limited to: calling, texting and emailing (repeatedly), instant messaging, tweeting, tagging on Instagram, showing up on doorsteps, actually leaving voicemails (!) and/or contacting spouses.

7.  This will not annoy you because you know you’re a fucking flake.

8.  This will not annoy me because I know I’m a fucking flake.

9.  If you don’t RSVP to my kid’s birthday party for 3 weeks then call the morning of the event and say “Uh, yeah, um, sorry, but can we come?” I’m not going to express profound irritation through a suppressed sigh and deep pause, rather I’m gonna be like “Yeah that’s cool, but do you have any candles? I forgot the effing candles.”

10.  And I’m going to be happy you came, because we’re friends.

Yes! Amen. This is my friends and I in a nutshell (except, replace “kids birthday” with “get together” and “candles” with “bottle of wine.”).

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To be honest, this is something I used to really struggle with. Back in college I had a lot of anxiety surrounding many of my friendships and often feared I would lose them for not contributing to the friendship enough. Instead of bringing friends closer, I ended up creating unnecessary drama and turned into a crazy person. College as a whole was a weird time for me, don’t get me wrong I had a blast and despite some drama (who doesn’t have drama in college?!) I ended up making some amazing friends that I still stay in touch with today (though now we’ve discovered the “No-Bullshit, No-Drama Friendship” works best for us).

It wasn’t until about a year after I graduated when I really took the time to discover who the real “me” was. Turns out I HATE drama, I’m not great on the phone (God bless who ever created text messages!), I love making last minute plans (so… I know we haven’t talked in a few weeks, but are you free tonight? Let’s do something!), I don’t need other people to make me happy (it’s okay to go to the movies by yourself! It really beats the alternative of staying at home and sulking that no one will go with you), and friends who accept you for who you truly are are seriously the best friends a girl can ask for.

Now that I’m in my thirties I’ve learned to be pickier and wiser about which friends I choose to have in my life. That’s the real beauty of getting older, you can learn to dodge the drama (well, for the most part). Even better is when you find the perfect partners-in-crime who feel the same way as you. Maybe that’s why my family remains so close? The truth is I don’t talk to my mom every day and if I go a week without calling her she never questions it, we just pick-up right where we left off the next time we connect. It takes a drama-free flake to raise a drama-free flake and thank goodness my mom is a drama-free flake (I say that in the most loving way possible, Mom! thank you for staying drama-free).

I guess what I’m trying to say is life is so much easier when we stop worrying about being perfect all the time and start being real. Life is too short to obsess over the little things instead of enjoying the big things. I’m a flake and I’m okay with that. I put my foot in my mouth all the time (like ALL the time), but a true friend realizes that sometimes I do that and it’s okay not to judge (okay, I’m sure they judge a little). And when you really need me, I’ll be there in an instance – no question.

Now who wants to get a drink? (sparkling cider for me, of course 😉 )

{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Sabrina Alexandra June 4, 2015 at 8:07 pm

I feel like this can go for family too. I really have a problem with #9 on that list. I can not stand when people don’t RSVP to an event in time. I am such a planner that one gets me every darn time. I am the friend/family member that expresses profound irritation through a suppressed sigh and deep pause (and maybe a few choice words). I am working on it, and hopefully I can calm it down before there is a wedding to plan. 😉
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2 Linda @ The Fitty June 4, 2015 at 8:59 pm

haha number 4 is so accurate!
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3 AndreaClaire June 4, 2015 at 11:16 pm

I made a decision a few years ago to withdraw from friendships which were high maintenance (drama-filled, high school-esque). It is amazing what that decision has done for my own mental peace. My core group of friends are fantastic, whether we see each other once a week, once a month, or sometimes a few years can go by – thanks friends who don’t live where I live – and I know that when push-comes-to-shove, they will be there for me and I for them.

Enjoy the no-bullshit, no-drama friendships. They really are the best ones. 🙂

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4 Meghan @RunningKentuck June 5, 2015 at 8:58 am

This sums up the change in my friendship mentality perferctly! A true friend will love and support you even if you aren’t perfect. Folks spend so much time trying to be perfect that they forget to live!

Thank you for sharing this! It is a great reminder!
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5 Erin June 5, 2015 at 9:01 am

Fantastic! I feel like high school and college had dramatic moments for every woman. Sigh. But right around the time I turned 30 I realized I only wanted people in my life who make me happy and let me be me. It was tough cutting out those that Life is so much more fun when you don’t have to worry about putting forth effort to those who don’t deserve it and can give all of your time to those that do!

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6 Anna June 5, 2015 at 9:31 am

I feel as I could have written this! I have been kind of dealing with the same stuff. I am like you where I do not mind doing a lot (okay everything) by myself so I don’t think to call friends or text them. I know they are there if I need them or they know I will always be there if they need me. I have been having trouble with the fact that I live states away from my family and friends and have not heard from them as much. It’s been made harder by the fact I am training for a Full IM so a lot of time, energy and money is going towards that and not seeing family and friends. I agree with that you have to be pickier with who you surround yourself with and I am learning on how to do that.

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7 Steph June 5, 2015 at 11:00 am

Yes. This. Thanks for being you, and being honest. Cheers to no-drama!

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8 lynne June 5, 2015 at 12:28 pm

+1 to this!
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9 bree June 5, 2015 at 1:37 pm

Great Post! Quiick question…are you still friends with caitlain (HTP)? Im just asking because I used to see so much interaction between the two of you via the blogs, and don’t anymore 🙁

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10 Meghann June 14, 2015 at 9:12 pm

Yes, Caitlin is still one of my best friends and we’ve remained very close since she moved to NC. Unfortunately we don’t get to see each other in person as much as when we lived in the same city, but the best part about having a true friend is that when you do reconnect it’s as if no time has passed at all.

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11 Angie June 5, 2015 at 4:05 pm

I LOVE this!! I have some friends that I have know for YEARS…and it feels like we left off right where were started. Then I have a few friends that feel like WORK to be their friend. I don’t like all that mess…I’m too OLD (43 on Monday). I must be your friend’s friend!!( and yours too!! ;-))

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12 Stacey June 5, 2015 at 8:14 pm

I totally agree with this. I have less friends than I did in college, but the ones I do have are those that even if I don’t talk to them for years (save for a facebook post or two), we pick up where we left off and continue on. There is no resentment or “Why didn’t you call?!” Friendship is a two way street, and we frequently have to remind ourselves not to put more into it than the other is willing to.
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13 Stephanie @ My Freckled Life June 6, 2015 at 4:56 am

Love this!! I just want to yell AMEN after reading it! Haha. I 100% agree though that a lot of times this seems to be something that comes with age. In college I definitely had a lot more drama in my friendships (and oh God, high school… yikes!), but now in my late 20s I’ve found friends that dont mind if we go weeks without talking, because we can just catch up when we do!
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14 Lindsay @ lifting in lilly June 6, 2015 at 6:57 am

I seriously love this. I am constantly feeling like I’m a bad friend/sister/daughter for not making more of an effort to call/visit/check in with people more often. I feel badly and like I’m so busy and it comes off as selfish. But honestly, it goes both ways right? This post was a good reminder that adult relationships don’t have to mean talking everyday, seeing every week, etc.
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15 Dottie (@crazyfitmommy) June 9, 2015 at 12:04 pm

I think that’s the best part of friendships now that I’m older. I can be honest and tell someone that I’m tired and I just want to sit home in my pajamas and play with my kids instead of hitting a movie, and they’ll ask if they should bring over pizza and their kids or just leave me alone — and they’re completely fine with it if I tell them to leave me alone! 😛
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16 Amanda June 9, 2015 at 3:23 pm

I love this! I have a pretty smallish group of friends and we all understand one another so well that it’s almost scary. We’ve been friends since 2008 and even though we don’t all live close to one another we try to get together for a trip once a year. They are the people I depend on most. I don’t easily allow people into my circle because I’m definitely a ‘no drama’ person. I’m so lucky to have the friendships I do. I wouldn’t give them up for anything.
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17 Tricia @ A Couple of Dashes June 11, 2015 at 10:34 am

This is so great! Thanks for sharing! I’ve been feeling a little stressed about my friend situation lately so this was exactly what I needed to read this morning to make me feel better!
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18 MelanieF June 18, 2015 at 10:59 am

This is a really great article! I’m going into my forties next year and I’ve realised that I don’t have that many friends but the ones that I do I actually love very much! I’m a not a phone person either (Thank you Facebook, messenger and text messages) and I do not need other people to make me happy either! I go to the movies alone, I get a good cup of coffee alone (great way to read a good book)! My husband of 11 years totally gets me! That’s why I love him very much and the close friends we have, even if it’s not too many!

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