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Pregnancy: Week 19

by Meghann on May 17, 2015

We made it to 19 weeks. Baby R is now the size of a mango.

19 weeks

Still not sure on whether I’m feeling movement or not. I feel “bubbles” when I’m sitting still or laying on the couch, but it’s not very regular. I *think* it’s Baby R, but I have no way to know for sure. I’ll keep you posted on any developments.

This week the subject of body image has hit me hard. I was hoping to go through pregnancy falling absolutely in love with my new pregnancy body and beautiful baby bump, but I’m afraid that’s not reality. The truth is it’s a lot harder to gain weight than I had initially anticipated. We all have this vision of our bumps being the only body partย that grows during pregnancy, but then our breasts become almost comical, our backsides start to expand, and our faces don’t look like they belong to us anymore.

My husband took some photos for a StitchFix post that I’m posting later this week and I almost broke down in tears when I uploaded everything to the computer. I don’t think it really hit me how different I looked until I flipped through those photos. Granted, they weren’t the most flattering clothes ever (more about that in the post), but you could definitely see that things have changed.ย There’s also the battle of getting dressed every morning. I * think* certain things still fit (but they don’t) and then pieces that do fit, it’s a fine line between complementing the bump and just making me look large all over.

I feel guilty posting this when I know so many women out there are struggling to conceive (and knowing the rocky road Derek and I took to get here), but I just wanted to put it out there that it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. As much as I love and treasure my growing bump, it’s tougher than I thought to accept how my body is changing. Still, I wouldn’t change a thing if it ensures a healthy baby. I’m staying active (within my doctor-mandated restrictions) and semi-sticking to my normal eating habits (minus feeding the odd craving for Five Guys). I’m happy, healthy, and I know it’s okay to not feel 100% about the way I look all the time.

 

{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Mary May 17, 2015 at 10:07 pm

I know it is a hard thing, and I felt that way too! Keep being active! I gain a load of weight with my first child, but I overindulged and was sedentary. I finally straightened up and got fit. When I had my second child I continued to be active until the day I went into labor (I went for a three mile walk the morning before I had her). I lost all of the weight after her and was in my prepregnancy clothes three months later. Just remember the magic that is happening in there and you will be grateful for the extra stores of energy when you are a waking up every two hours to feed and change the baby. Cheers!

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2 Sarah May 17, 2015 at 10:09 pm

I felt the same way during my pregnancy and I’m still kind of working through things postpartum. I’ve got an 8 week old and about 30 more pounds to lose. On top of massive amounts of stretch marks and hips that will likely never be the same width again, it’s a hard pill to swallow. Doesn’t mean I love my sweet girl any less or that I’m not in awe that my body created her. Just means I’m adjusting to a new reality and it’s not always easy.

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3 Molly Rose May 17, 2015 at 10:16 pm

Love your honesty, I can imagine the struggle is real. That won’t always be your body though, and I’m sure your body appreciates the healthy lifestyle you live in it! Too funny about 5 guys!
Molly Rose recently posted..San Juan, Puerto Rico

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4 Liz May 17, 2015 at 10:22 pm

It is totally normal and ok to feel weird about how your body is changing during pregnancy! I went through the same thing. I struggled with infertility and gained 10 pounds while on fertility meds before I even got pregnant, so add the pregnancy weight on top of that and I was really struggling with how my body was changing. I burst into tears one day when I put on a jacket and it didn’t fit me because my ARMS had gotten bigger! I had no idea I would gain weight anywhere but my belly and it was hard to accept even though I was so grateful to be pregnant. You look fabulous, but at the same time it’s ok to be weirded out by all the changes. Pregnancy (and parenting, for that matter) is allllllll about mixed emotions ๐Ÿ™‚

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5 Belinda May 18, 2015 at 1:42 pm

If you don’t mind me asking, what meds were you on? I’m taking letrazol, and I’m trying to maintain my weight and finding it harder than normal. I don’t want to blame weight gain on something, but I have been curious if the meds were affecting me.

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6 Liz May 18, 2015 at 2:08 pm

I was on both Clomid (pill) and Menopur (injectable). I actually don’t think it was the medication itself that caused my weight gain. It was more that the meds made me really tired and because of that I was exercising a lot less than usual. Stress was also definitely a contributor! I wasn’t eating as well as I normally would because I was stressed about the fertility treatment.

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7 Beth May 18, 2015 at 2:39 pm

I’ve been on follistim and lupron and definitely feel like the weight gain I’ve experience is due to the meds. Hopefully I’ll get my BFP and it’ll all be worth it, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard to put on weight and it not be because I’m pregnant. Good luck =)

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8 Ashley M. [at] (never)homemaker May 18, 2015 at 3:18 pm

Thanks for sharing. I havenโ€™t started meds yet, but it looks like weโ€™re headed in that direction. I gained 10 pounds over the last year of trying and then recent miscarriage. This process is so incredibly difficult on our bodies. i keep trying to remind myself of the ultimate goal and just keep the positive body talk flowing. But itโ€™s so hard!
Ashley M. [at] (never)homemaker recently posted..Our Garden + Yard

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9 Belinda May 18, 2015 at 5:54 pm

Thanks for your comments Liz, Beth and Ashley.

Good luck Beth and Ashley! Congratulations Liz on making it over to the other side ๐Ÿ™‚

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10 Katy May 17, 2015 at 11:11 pm

thanks for keeping it real! I remember when I was pregnant with my first that I didn’t really feel comfortable with my body until my bump was bigger! Until that point I felt like I was just gaining weight. Hoping it will be the same for you ????

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11 Jennifer May 17, 2015 at 11:33 pm

My foot grew a shoe size with each pregnancy…and they never shrunk back. I had NO idea my FEET would grow. But so worth it for the end result ๐Ÿ™‚

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12 Stephanie May 18, 2015 at 12:01 am

Are yoy doing any mindfulness meditation or mantras while pregnant? It can seriously help. Your body is going through tons of changes so mindfulness and kind mantras can help you be kind and patient with yourself. it doesn’t change the reality but it helps to reframe it and feel more manageable.

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13 Jilly May 18, 2015 at 12:23 am

ugh, I’m a couple weeks ahead of you and while I feel better now, I remember feeling awful about my body around the 13-14 week mark. I splurged on some great maternity clothes from PinkBlush which really helped though! I never thought I’d be a full-panel jeans kind of girl, but they’re so good for smoothing out the bump and made me feel like I actually looked pregnant instead of just like I gained a lot of weight! I’m also loving maxi dresses and those tank tops with the ruching down the sides. Basically anything that is even slightly flattering is being bought right now, screw the cost lol!!

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14 Tracy May 18, 2015 at 12:27 am

You’re not alone, sister. I’m 12 weeks along and starting to feel like my body is changing in some pretty unflattering ways. I have a job that requires me to be in the public eye, so I’m super self-conscious about what I wear and how I look right now. No one is commenting (yet!) but I still feel super awkward and uncomfortable in my clothes – and I think it’s too soon for maternity clothes! Just like you, I’ll gladly deal with all of the discomfort and changes because I know I’m growing a beautiful and God-willing healthy baby – but it’s not easy 100% of the time. Hang in there.

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15 stacy May 18, 2015 at 1:22 am

My pregnant friend is going through the same thing right now.

To me (an outsider but long time reader), you just look so tiny still and virtually 100% like yourself in the face and everywhere besides the bump. I think you might be more tuned in to the changes than anyone else that is looking at you is, and maybe it makes you more critical of yourself. All of my friends went down to their normal weights within a few months of having the baby…and then they just looked exactly the same. They say clothes fit differently, but I can promise you, I can’t notice these changes from just looking at them. I hope this helps you keep some perspective.
stacy recently posted..Summer Day Dates

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16 Angie May 18, 2015 at 1:37 am

This, too shall pass. I say own the changes, all of them! They are temporary, and they are growing your healthy little girl. Plus, when else in life can you get fat and have a good reason for it?

Even though you have a blog, you don’t have to put any pics you don’t like on the internets.

P.S. I’m 34 weeks with twins, up 40 pounds so far, with a month to go. I’ll get back to normal eventually (or I won’t, I’m not stressing), but I’m loving every change!

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17 Rachel May 18, 2015 at 2:12 am

You get pregnant to have a baby, not to be pregnant, so don’t feel bad not enjoying every minute. I’m just crossing over into third tri and very much empathise with you – it’s now difficult to tie my shoelaces and even just going for a walk can cause ligament pain in my belly. I did a half marathon 9 months ago and now I can barely walk a mile! These things are all temporary, however, and it will be worth it in the end when we get to meet and bring up the little people we are growing.

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18 Goldie May 18, 2015 at 3:11 am

Don’t panic! I remember feeling the same around that week too. When you get to about 20-23 things really change. Your bump is very clear and you really do start to feel cute. You’re out of that phase where you just feel a bit chubby. You suddenly are clearly pregnant and that fills you with new confidence. Just wait. It’ll come. I still have bad days but I’m now also able to see what is “pregnant me” and what isn’t pregnant me. You’ll be able to see your figure behind the bump and that is comforting to know for when you have baby and want to get back in shape. I’m 27 weeks and I’m feeling a lot prouder of the bump I’m sporting.

Don’t panic – you’re doing great. ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx
Goldie recently posted..So far โ€“ the mean but not meant to be mean things people have said while Iโ€™m pregnantโ€ฆ

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19 kim May 18, 2015 at 4:58 am

The first pregnancy is hard bc it takes longer to really start showing – you end up in that frumpy “in between” phase forever. Hang in there. You look beautiful, even if you just feel really uncomfortable right now.

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20 Keri May 18, 2015 at 7:11 am

I’m at just over 8 weeks, and I already know what you mean! Things don’t quite fit right, and I feel like I look different – it’s especially hard since we haven’t told anyone yet. You are definitely not alone in feeling less than confident with how your body looks, especially during early pregnancy. Of course you are happy you’re pregnant, and grateful for the life growing inside you, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be over the moon about every change your body goes through! There are so many changes that I think us first-timers didn’t expect – parts of the body changing that have seemingly nothing to do with pregnancy, aches and pains and fatigue way before you’re visibly pregnant….but there is nothing to do but roll with it and try to remember that most of the changes are just temporary and we will feel much more like ourselves when we have our babies in our arms ๐Ÿ™‚

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21 Erica [email protected]} May 18, 2015 at 7:15 am

Honestly, at 19 weeks you are just at the awkward “is she soft or pregnant?” stage (that I was just in recently as well, I’m 24 weeks.) Once you become very visibly pregnant to strangers I think you’ll start to love your new body more! I’ve gained almost 20 lbs at 24 weeks and I freaking love my bump!

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22 Allison May 18, 2015 at 7:24 am

I hear you! I’m 34 weeks now but for the first 20-24 weeks, I felt like everything (except my belly) was getting bigger. Kudos to you for being honest about it!

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23 Linda @ The Fitty May 18, 2015 at 7:43 am

Don’t feel bad–you are only being human and your feelings all are valid, no matter what other people think of them!
Linda @ The Fitty recently posted..I Ran. A Half Marathon.

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24 Jessica May 18, 2015 at 8:48 am

I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from. I am 15.5 weeks pregnant (and I live in Oldsmar, so near you). On Saturday we were meeting friends at Canopy in St. Pete and then going out to dinner and nothing in my closet fit me anymore. I cried for about an hour. And don’t even get me started about my work wardrobe. Kissing my pencil skirts goodbye and putting on the same five dresses over and over again has been hard. While I too totally knew my body was going to change, having clothes fit you and then all of a sudden not is a huge hit on the confidence. I too don’t look like myself in pictures and my husband is constantly telling me this is all a good thing–baby is growing. Thank you for posting this because it was exactly what I needed to read after this past weekend. P.S.- if you find any good maternity clothes in the area can you let me/us know? I am seriously struggling…

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25 Laura May 19, 2015 at 3:37 pm

I ordered some maternity jean shorts from Old Navy that I love! They only have two small elastic panels on the side of the short so they don’t feel like maternity shorts but they are so comfy and cute! I feel way better in them. I’m normally a size 4 and ordered a 4 and they fit with room to grow. And I ordered a maternity maxi tank dress from them (size small) that I love as well! You’ll feel better once you get a few items so you’ll know you have something that fits!
Laura recently posted..Meal Planning

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26 Nikki May 18, 2015 at 8:48 am

I gave birth last June to a healthy, 7 and a half pound baby. I only had a 15 pound weight gain total and by the time I left the hospital, all the baby weight was gone. I must be the luckiest women in the world, right? God no! Please don’t be jealous of those women like me. I was sick the first 20 week. I puked and puked and lost 10 pounds. I’m already tall and thin so not the best. Then during week 30 I had to be hospitalized for severe constipation. They wouldn’t let me eat anything and I lost weight. I gained hardly any weight and the end but I still had a perfect baby. That’s all that matter. I would much rather of gained two or three times the amount of weight I gained than had my pregnancy!

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27 Jackie May 18, 2015 at 9:10 am

It’s ok to feel that way, it’s crazy to see your own body change with no control. I just had my own sweet baby girl 10 days ago (!!!) and I’m having a harder time with the post pregnany body. I know it will get better though. My biggest piece of advice clothing wise is to literally store away any clothes that don’t fit anymore. Every morning I would face a dresser full of clothes I couldn’t wear and it was so frustrating. Once I put those away my drawers were quite empty but I could fit into everything in them! No more stressful, tear filled mornings of deciding what to wear! To the outside eye you look fabulous!

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28 Lindsay May 18, 2015 at 9:17 am

I completely agree with a previous commenter who stated it’s harder with the first pregnancy. I remember my first one I felt “stuck” in the flabby stage and just wanted to see the “bump”!! Just remember that every pound, and every new growth of a part of your body is all for that baby girl (I know that’s MUCH easier for me to say than for you to do…believe me I do!!) I’m currently 1 day shy of 18 weeks with my second, and my midsection expanding has been a real struggle this time as I have been battling an eating disorder for the past 6 years. But, I will say, with this pregnancy, I was only in the “frumpy” stage for about a week…the bump definitely appeared much quicker. Of course it showed up at about 14 weeks, but that’s neither here nor there ๐Ÿ™‚ I can’t say I understand your conception struggles, but I empathize with you, and want you to know anyone who judges you harshly for your struggle to accept your changing body at times is not someone I would want to be around. No matter the road taken to get to pregnancy, it can still be a struggle body image wise. Keep as active as doctor allows and enjoy this journey the best you can! ๐Ÿ™‚

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29 Laura May 18, 2015 at 9:20 am

You are not alone! Around 9-10 weeks I had a really bad experience in a changing room. I wasn’t showing yet but was super bloated and NOTHING I tried on fit right and everything looked awful. It was so depressing to not have clothes fit and not even have a baby bump yet! I’ve finally hit the point where I have a bump now and the bloat has gone away and I feel so much better, especially now that I’ve given up on my old shorts/jeans and am rocking the elastic waist maternity shorts!
Laura recently posted..Meal Planning

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30 Jackie May 18, 2015 at 9:30 am

I had the same body thoughts during my pregnancies. However, after two kids in 18 months, I’m proud to report that my body is BETTER than it was before my first pregnancy. Hang in there, momma, it’ll be over before you know it. (For better or worse!)

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31 Jessica May 18, 2015 at 9:37 am

I hit the feeling of being totally awkward around this week, and it lasted until I felt like I had a legit belly. Just keep moving and eating well, your body knows what it’s doing!
Jessica recently posted..Meal Planning (5/10-5/16)

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32 Adie May 18, 2015 at 10:19 am

Thank you for sharing this! You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way (and I think you look beautiful, by the way!). I’m just shy of 15w along, I’m overweight to begin with, and this week I’ve felt the least pregnant I have felt this entire time. It’s been a blast! I’ve taken to looking at myself in the mirror every morning and reminding myself of what I’m in the process of, which has helped a bit. I’ve even been trying to dress in more bump-flattering outfits, even though I’m pretty sure what I have is still tummy and not baby ๐Ÿ˜›

It’ll all be worth it when we’re holding our new bundles at the end ๐Ÿ™‚

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33 EB @ Running on E May 18, 2015 at 10:41 am

I think it’s perfectly natural to have mixed emotions. Your body is changing in ways it never has before and that is exciting and scary at the same time. Way to be honest about it! ๐Ÿ™‚
EB @ Running on E recently posted..Snakebite 50k Training Week #1

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34 Molly May 18, 2015 at 10:48 am

I felt the same way until I had an obvious baby bump…the in between stage where maternity clothes look silly on you but your old clothes definitely aren’t fitting is a hard place to be.

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35 Stephanie @ My Freckled Life May 18, 2015 at 11:23 am

I completely agree, and felt the SAME way earlier in my pregnancy. Especially the awkward weeks from like 16-25ish, when I felt like I didn’t have a full bump to show off, and just felt larger all over. It really is a harder mental battle than I expected, because I totally thought I would LOVE my pregnant body. But it’s really hard when you’ve been in an active weight-loss or maintenance mindset for so long to see your body changing without your control. But I promise you it DOES get better, especially once you really feel like you have a bump to show off!
Stephanie @ My Freckled Life recently posted..The LAST Monday! {Weekend Recap}

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36 Meredith May 18, 2015 at 12:18 pm

I’ll be 17 weeks tomorrow…in that awkward stage where I don’t have a real bump yet. It’s definitely an adjustment. I’m also a bit scared of the changes yet to come… but most importantly I’m so excited and thrilled to be pregnant and cannot wait to meet my baby ๐Ÿ™‚

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37 Dottie (@crazyfitmommy) May 18, 2015 at 12:36 pm

I felt the same way with both of my pregnancies, especially my second one. I have a 3 month old and a 21 month old, and I hadn’t lost very much of the pregnancy weight when I got pregnant the second time. Now I’m looking at losing 60 pounds, and I don’t even want to take pictures of myself with the baby because I’m so embarrassed about my body. At the same time though, I look at my boys and know it was completely worth it… ๐Ÿ™‚
Dottie (@crazyfitmommy) recently posted..Paleo versus Vegan

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38 [email protected] May 18, 2015 at 1:29 pm

Just remember it’s ok to not love everything about pregnancy, it’s a tiny little blip on the parenting spectrum!!! I have 4 kids, pregnancy was not my friend for any of them!!!
[email protected] recently posted..Sweat Out the Sick

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39 Amber @ Busy, Bold, Blessed May 18, 2015 at 1:53 pm

This is literally one of the reasons I’m not quite ready for pregnancy. I do not want to give up my body yet! Shallow…? Maybe, but I know it will never be the same! Just remember it will all be worth it. Also…. go get yourself some super cute maternity stuff. Shopping always helps ๐Ÿ˜‰
Amber @ Busy, Bold, Blessed recently posted..An Exciting Whole30 Follow Up!

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40 Jenna May 18, 2015 at 2:02 pm

I feel your pain! I think its hard as an active person who has spent so much of their life maintaining an athletic look to all of a sudden not look that way. I am only 12 weeks and my stomach is changing and it makes me really self concious, because i dont look fit or pregnant…but we have to remind our selves to keep moving and be greatful for the experience!

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41 Amanda May 18, 2015 at 2:05 pm

I love how honest you are and I hope you don’t get any mean comments about this post. It is real and it is awesome. I think you look great! Every person deals with self doubt and I feel like social media has made people feel like they have to hide that aspect of their life because clearly no one else has the same feelings and instead is living an awesome, perfectly art directed life! (Newsflash, they aren’t). It’s nice to be reminded that everyone is human and everyone has self doubts at some point and that that is okay!

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42 Caitlin May 18, 2015 at 2:10 pm

You feel how you feel, and I totally get how you’re feeling in regards to a changing body (not pregnancy though), and it’s OK to express your feelings. I hope that writing this post and seeing the support in the comments is helping you feel better! It’s almost frustrating sometimes to read about those sunshine and rainbows pregnancies because I know that one day whenever I am pregnant, it’s going to be a tough experience for me to deal with the changes to my body. And knowing I’m not alone, in anything I’m dealing with, always helps me keep my head up and push forward. Unflattering clothes are also the WORST! Treat yourself to some nice maternity outfits that you feel fabulous in would be a great way to get over this bump (pun totally intended) – maybe a shopping day is in order!
Caitlin recently posted..Giveaway Winner and Off I Go!

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43 Jess May 18, 2015 at 2:31 pm

I felt the exact same way, especially with my second child. My whole body shifted and my wider hips were really hard for me to accept. It took a long time (she is now 16 months old) to accept my new body. As everyone has mentioned you are in the most awkward spot body wise and the thing that helped me get through that was fully embracing maternity clothes and putting my normal wardrobe to rest.

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44 ErikaMC May 18, 2015 at 4:01 pm

I didn’t like my pregnant body until I was about 24 weeks. Up until then I just felt like I had this ‘pudgy’ tummy since you couldn’t tell it was a bump yet. I never thought my face looked or felt fuller until I looked in pictures. It is hard to watch your body grow bigger especially for people who work so hard to make it change, get smaller, stay the same, tone up, etc. I also hated dressing the bump before it actually looked like a bump. There are tons of ‘how to dress the bump’ posts and articles out there but nothing for that between stage.

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45 Morgan @ Managing Mommyhood May 18, 2015 at 4:39 pm

My hips got pretty wide during my pregnancy and never truly went back so I feel you on this! But to be honest, give yourself another month. And week you’re going to POP and everything will look more proportional. At least,that’s when I started to feel a lot better abouty baby body
Morgan @ Managing Mommyhood recently posted..Best of the Weekend

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46 Ellen @ Wannabe Health Nut May 18, 2015 at 5:15 pm

You look great! And I would seriously kill for your hair. I’m only 24 weeks along and I’m already dreading the extreme hair loss that apparently happens postpartum. My body image so far has been surprisingly pretty good, but I do get blue from time to time…like I did yesterday when I went shopping. I just try to accept these feelings and challenges (instead of getting upset that I AM upset – if that makes sense?!) and try to move on. You are definitely in the awkward stage, but it will get better. I’ve had a hard time finding maternity clothes I like, so I’ve been getting regular clothes in larger sizes and it helps me feel a bit more like myself. (Because I don’t feel as limited on my choices and can pick things that feel like “me.”) I don’t know how smart this plan is, but it’s working OK so far and most of the items would probably look pretty good on my normal body — or at least in the months after the baby is born. Go ahead and get maternity jeans though — they are so comfy!

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47 Melissa May 18, 2015 at 6:02 pm

I know exactly how you feel. I didn’t notice it so much during pregnancy, but comparing pictures from then to now, 7 months postpartum, I can definitely see it. I didn’t think I was that big at 37 weeks which is when I had my daughter, but looking back I feel like I was HUGE!

And no matter how many people try to tell you you can’t get your body back, you totally can if you put in the effort. I’m living proof. There are little things that will probably never be quite the same, like looser tummy skin, but I’m probably the only one who notices it.
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48 Rachael May 18, 2015 at 6:20 pm

Giiirrrrl I feel you! I am 22 weeks and went through this already.. one thing that helped me immensely was doing a big clothing purge – I sorted things into a donating pile, a “hide until at least 3 mths postpartum” pile and a “things that fit now” pile. Go shopping for some maternity clothes, or clothes you like in bigger sizes – who cares what the sizes are, the goal is to find clothes that fit and make you feel good. Now when I open my closet it is full of things that fit – no guessing and disappointment anymore. I will have to do this again in a few weeks but it cured the morning get-dressed struggle and when you are comfortable, it’s easier to forget about the weight gain. It’s getting better as I get further along (and “look” more pregnant) – it will be okay! Baby girl R is worth it ๐Ÿ™‚

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49 Katherine May 19, 2015 at 2:07 pm

I completely felt this way during my pregnancy. I did not want my picture taken but looking back at the few photos that exist – I looked great! Your perspective completely changes, and I apologized to myself for being so hard on myself. Your body is doing an amazing thing. Stay active – I worked out the day I gave birth. Having a strong body makes labor, delivery and recovery “easier”. Plus your baby is sooo worth it ๐Ÿ™‚

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50 Sara May 20, 2015 at 3:19 pm

Thanks for the honest post! I have felt the same way up until 1-2 weeks ago. Now that my bump is finally getting bigger I feel a lot more comfortable and proud of my body.
Sara recently posted..Pregnancy Update – 24 Weeks

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