So here we go. As I mentioned last week, I’m going to start sharing more posts regarding our trying-to-conceive (TTC) journey. If you have zero interest in reading these posts, be sure to check the title of each blog post before moving forward. My plan is to label each post with TTC to give everyone a heads up that I’ll be talking about trying to get pregnant in that post.
Going into this I had little-to-no desire to write about our journey. It felt like such a private and delicate matter. However, just over a year later, it’s frankly all I think about. I’m sure anyone who has been TTC for any amount of time can relate – when it doesn’t happen right away, you start to go a little bonkers. Don’t believe me? Check out any TTC board, it’s actually comforting to know you’re not the only crazy one out there.
When we suffered our first loss last summer, it felt like this huge relief to let it all out on here. I can’t imagine how anyone can go through a loss like that and keep it to themselves. The pain was too much to stay in and it was a comfort to write about it and connect with others who had experienced the same emotions. Again, knowing you’re not alone is the biggest part. Everyone stays so quiet about their struggles that we start jumping to conclusions that aren’t justified or real. The truth is we don’t know everyone’s backstory and the twisted journeys we all take to end up at the next phase. Everyone has a mountain to climb somewhere.
So here I am writing about journey in hopes that it will continue to help others understand that they’re not alone. Writing is also very therapeutic for me and not being able to write about this is clamming me up. Honestly, my blog has sucked lately and I’m hoping that being more real will spice it back up. My emotions show through every post I write, even the extra sugar-coated ones where you can still see my tears through every word I write.
To start off, I thought I’d give a full synopsis of our journey thus far. I love a good background story so please forgive any TMI details. I promise not to go TMI overboard, but you never know what might slip when you’re discussing how to have a baby (I mean, I think we all know the basics of the birds and the bees, right?).
- December 2008: After 5 years on the pill, my period completely stops. I stop taking the pill and seek out medical advice on what the heck happened to my period. After some bloodwork and an ultrasound, I was told my estrogen levels were low and not much else. You can read more about my experience HERE.
- November 2010: Period finally returns on its own. After a few months of irregularity, it’s back to its regular schedule.
- January 2013: I never return to any sort of hormone-induced birth control after my period returns. However, after I register for Ironman Florida, I suddenly become extra fearful that I could accidentally become pregnant during training. Per a recommendation, I have the depo-provera shot in January 2013 and HATE it! I spot for months and feel extra moody.
- July 2013: The depo-provera shot finally wears off and my period returns back to normal. I download a simple period tracker app and start to track my period. Everything seems regular.
- January 2014: My husband and I decide to start actively trying for a baby. I rely on the app to tell me when my “fertile window” is and make a go for it. Unfortunately, it’s as if my body knows we’re “trying” and decides to start playing tricks on me. My cycles become longer and I start to drive myself crazy thinking I’m “late” each month. I blow through countless amounts of pregnancy tests and start to realize what people mean when they say TTC will make you go insane.
- April 2014: After a particularly long cycle leaves me mental, I decide to start charting. I download the Fertility Friend App and start taking my temperature each morning. I also invest in digital OPKs that make pinpointing ovulation a little easier.
- June 2014: A BFP on our second cycle charting! The excitement fades quickly as I start spotting a week later.
- July 2014: Two separate ultrasounds reveal fetal growth and a beautiful beating heartbeat. I’m loosely diagnosed with a bicornuate uterus.
- August 2014: Our 12-week ultrasounds ends in tears. We experience a missed miscarriage (MMC), the beautiful heartbeat is gone.
- August 2014: I have a D&C to remove the pregnancy. We’re told to wait two cycles before trying again.
- September 2014: My period returns right on schedule.
- October 2014: We’re given the all-clear to start trying again. I immediately jump back into charting.
- November 2014: Our first post-MMC cycle ends with BFN.
- December 2014: Our second post-MMC cycles ends with BFN.
- January 2015: We’ve hit the dreaded milestone of TTC for one year.
In the grand scheme of things, our journey is short and has really just begun. Since we were able to conceive in the past, our doctor is hopeful it will happen again. Our current plan is to try on our own for six cycles then, if we’re still not pregnant, we’ll return to the doctor for more tests and a possible referral. Two cycles down, four more to go.