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Thank You

by Meghann on August 27, 2014

Thank you.

Thank you for all of your support, kind words, and love. Thank you for the hundreds of emails I’ve received over the last two days from everyone who opened up about their own struggles over fertility and loss. I’ve shed so many tears this week, not just for my own angel baby, but for all the other angel babies out there. You guys are incredible. Thank you for sharing your stories, giving others hope, and letting me know I’m not alone – we’re not alone.

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I’m not really sure where to move on from here. My emotions are still all over the place. One minute I’ll be fine, and the next I’ll be in tears – every day is a new challenge.

I never realized how hard it would be to slowly lose all my pregnancy symptoms. My breasts are no longer killing me, the smell of coffee no longer makes me sick, and cooked vegetables are officially back on the okay-to-eat list. After weeks of yearning for just a sip of a good beer or glass of wine, the thought of being able to drink either again brings me to a puddle of tears. It’s as if drinking alcohol again makes everything real. I hate it.

In the middle of all this, I’m desperate to run again. Running is my escape and right now I feel the need to escape more than ever. I yearn to just take off and clear my head. Unfortunately I’ve been instructed to step back from all physical activities for the next few weeks. It sucks, but I know it’s for the best. For now I’m sleeping in and trying to rest as much as possible.

Returning to work has been tough. I chose to go back because I needed the distraction and there’s just so much work that needs to get done before our season ends next month. I regretted going in as soon as I sat at my desk. Quite simply I was miserable. With my back turned from my co-workers, I silently cried a good portion of the morning. However, the day did get better. Just as predicted, it really helped having a distraction to focus on and there was a lot of work that needed to get done.

Again, I just want to say thank you for all of the incredible support. It means so much to Derek and I and really does give us the strength we need to move forward.

xoxo

{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Michelle @ A Healthy Mrs August 27, 2014 at 9:12 pm

Take care! Still thinking of you & Derek <3
Michelle @ A Healthy Mrs recently posted..Eat All the Greens

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2 Sana August 27, 2014 at 9:13 pm

Hugs. Lots and lots of hugs.

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3 Erin I August 27, 2014 at 9:53 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I had my second miscarriage two weeks ago and have spent the past few days feeling very alone. I know it is hard to share such a tragedy, but it truly does give others strength. Thank you!

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4 kristin August 27, 2014 at 10:07 pm

wishing you peace and rest.
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5 carolyn m August 27, 2014 at 10:18 pm

I am so sorry for you loss. My husband and I lost two pregnancies at 13 and 14 weeks. It is so hard.

I too had a septum and I got it removed in December. Please feeel free to email me if you have questions aabout the surgery. Big hugs. The sadness and loss I feel has not gone away, and I don’t think it ever will, but each day does get easier.

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6 Sandy August 27, 2014 at 10:18 pm

Thinking of you and Derek. Take care and wishing you peace.

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7 Sarah August 27, 2014 at 10:39 pm

Sending you so much love. Things will be okay. 🙂
Sarah recently posted..I’m as free as my hair.

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8 Jess August 28, 2014 at 3:04 am

I have been reading your blog for years and I don’t comment often but I just wanted to say that I’m so, so sorry!

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9 Katie D. August 28, 2014 at 6:47 am

Returning to work was so hard, it just didn’t feel right that life was moving on.

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10 Michele August 28, 2014 at 7:14 am

Sending you love and hugs! Allow yourself the time you need to grieve…
Michele recently posted..Prayer and pretzels

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11 Tasha August 28, 2014 at 7:18 am

Sending you and your family so much love <3

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12 Jenny August 28, 2014 at 7:24 am

Thinking of you and Derek….all the best Meghann.

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13 Lee August 28, 2014 at 7:51 am

I promise it gets easier. The pain will always be there, but the days will get easier.
Lee recently posted..Girls Night at The General Muir

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14 EB @Running on E August 28, 2014 at 8:06 am

Hugs. Your previous post brought me to tears at my desk. Sending you lots of support.
EB @Running on E recently posted..50k Training Week 15: 8/18-8/24

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15 Tracy August 28, 2014 at 8:08 am

I feel your sadness, and virtual hug you.. I have also had losses, and it is very painful and it is a process… You will get through this. Don’t give up hope. The road to motherhood has only just begun.

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16 Ashley W August 28, 2014 at 8:46 am

thank you for sharing your story. it will help someone else and know that you are brave. Just keep going through your emotions. You will come out of it. I too struggled with fertility and know it’s a roller coaster. You are a hero!!!

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17 Cara August 28, 2014 at 9:09 am

I’m so sorry you have had to go through this….Just remember we’re all here for you! Hugs and prayers…
Cara recently posted..The Last Little Bit of Summer…

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18 sara August 28, 2014 at 9:39 am

Sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes all we need is time to help us, but that road can be long. I hope you feel better soon!

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19 Elisabeth August 28, 2014 at 9:42 am

I’ve not experienced this kind of loss, but my heart still breaks for you. Sending lots of love to you & Derek!

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20 Jenn (eating bender) August 28, 2014 at 9:56 am

Continuing to think of you all the time and sending you so much love, Meghann.
Jenn (eating bender) recently posted..Ireland, Day Five: Moll’s Gap, Ladies View, Jameson Distillery and Kinsale

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21 Mo (@rushourunner) August 28, 2014 at 10:06 am

So sorry, Meghann. Thinking of you both.
Mo (@rushourunner) recently posted..3 things thursday [91]

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22 Goldie August 28, 2014 at 10:27 am

hello sweetheart

I’ve been a long time blog follower and just had to get in touch.

I was 17 weeks pregnant in April when I found out we had lost our baby. Devastated does not cover the feeling that swallows you up the second you find out. Everything you are feeling is exactly what I went through (and still am in a less intense way).

Now, 4 months on, I still think about it every day. The loss is still there but I am learning to live with it. We chose not to try again for a while just to get back to normal especially emotionally (I couldn’t go through another miscarriage and cope at this time). You’ll get through this. It sounds like a cruel horrible lie but you will.

if you want to email me feel free. I don’t think women talk enough about miscarriage openly. It’s not a nice topic but I think it would help people going through it.

All my love to you both.xxx

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23 Haley August 28, 2014 at 10:30 am

I 100% understand about running. After my D&C that was all I wanted to do. My doctor gave me the go ahead a week after though…. It saved me, I swear!

I had a missed miscarriage, and reading your story was basically reading my own. Following mine I had 2 natural miscarriages…. But I’m currently 38 weeks pregnant, so hang in there girl!

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24 Gianna @ Run, Lift, Repeat August 28, 2014 at 10:36 am

Sending lots of love your families way, I cannot imagine how it must feel, so sorry for your loss.
Gianna @ Run, Lift, Repeat recently posted..Chicago Marathon Training – Week 11

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25 Amber @ Busy, Bold, Blessed August 28, 2014 at 10:42 am

Such a tough thing to go through! I hope you find peace soon. Sorry for your loss <3
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26 [email protected] August 28, 2014 at 12:41 pm

I wish I could give you a big hug over the internet! Stay strong! And enjoy your new house, I bet Maddie is loving having a yard for herself! 🙂
[email protected] recently posted..Rex Wellness Sprint Triathlon in Wakefield Recap

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27 Stephanie @ My Freckled Life August 28, 2014 at 12:59 pm

Your post yesterday brought me to tears at my desk, and so did this one. In my field, we’re always told to be extra caring towards everyone, because you never know what someone might be dealing with. It’s times like these, when you read a story like yours, that it reminds you that you’re not alone in your heartache and struggles with fertility. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story. You’ll probably never know how much it means to some people.

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28 Erin m. August 28, 2014 at 1:12 pm

I’ve been reading your blog since the beginning and I don’t often comment but I just want to let you know that I’m thinking about you and Derek and wish you the best. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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29 Stacy August 28, 2014 at 1:27 pm

Hang in there Meghann! Lots of rest and being gentle with yourself…I know that you and Derek will come through this and be stronger for it. Sending so much love!
From a longtime reader.
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30 [email protected] August 28, 2014 at 2:14 pm

You’re not alone. You’ve got so many people sending you strong vibes. Be patient (I know…) and positive (…I also know…). Xoxo
[email protected] recently posted..Weekend Recap – 30th Birthday, Wedding, and a Shower

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31 amyt August 28, 2014 at 2:28 pm

SO sorry – my husband and I went through the same thing – right at 12 wks, I went the D & C route as well. It’s so heartbreaking, and so emotional. It does get easier – though to this day I still think about it….our baby would be ____. BUT on another note – we got pregnant a couple of months later….we’ve had 2 healthy babies since (now, 10 & 9). love and prayers to you guys!!!

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32 Erin @ Her Heartland Soul August 28, 2014 at 3:18 pm

Thinking of you and sending love your way! <3
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33 Jackie August 28, 2014 at 4:41 pm

Thinking of you guys

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34 Haley August 28, 2014 at 5:59 pm

As a reader since the beginning, my heart aches for you and Derek. So many hugs and good thoughts coming your way <3

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35 Megan August 28, 2014 at 6:07 pm

Girl, I was crying for you as I read your post the other day. I prayed for you. I have had two chemical pregnancies (really early miscarriages) and it sucks. I cannot imagine going through what you are going through. I hope the doctors can give you some answers. But I am and will continue praying for you.
Megan recently posted..Hot & Sweet Spice Rub

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36 Erica August 28, 2014 at 6:27 pm

SO many hugs <3

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37 Alison (Fueling for Fitness) August 28, 2014 at 6:52 pm

Thinking of you two. Lots of (virtual) hugs. xo
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38 Patty August 28, 2014 at 7:02 pm

Today is the first day I am stopping by your blog. I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of virtual hugs.
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39 Jennifer S. August 28, 2014 at 8:53 pm

Thinking of you. Take care of yourself! ??

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40 Ashley August 28, 2014 at 11:05 pm

You’re amazing lady. Keep your amazing heart and head up, and give
Yourself a break when you need it!
Ashley recently posted..Meet Me In St Louis

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41 Katie August 28, 2014 at 11:24 pm

I know all too well the pain you are going through—to me it felt like the worst rejection/hardest breakup ever. To make matters worse 7 of my friends had gotten pregnant at the same time so as their bellies grew and their babies were born I was reminded all too often of their loss. I made a goal list of what this extra time gave me the oppertunity to accomplish and it really helped. Now looking at my 2 year old I can’t imagine my life any other way but give yourself the time to grieve and know that every feeling–saddness, anger, jealousy, hurt, is totally normal.

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42 Michelle August 29, 2014 at 10:22 am

So sorry to learn of your sadness. Prayers for you and Derek.

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43 ChristineB August 29, 2014 at 11:50 am

Add me to the list of those who understand (at least a little bit) of what you are going through. I had 3 miscarriages before having my 3 boys, and it was so, so hard. My best advice is to give yourself time to grieve and be easy on yourself. It’s a hard thing to deal with, especially since it seems like something that happens to so many of us, but it isn’t talked about very openly. Maybe because it’s so personal. I don’t know. But, if it helps, know that you have a Canadian reader whose heart is hurting for you right now because she knows (too) well that feeling of loss. (((HUGS)))

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44 Amanda August 29, 2014 at 5:04 pm

Many, many hugs and prayers for you and Derek.

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45 Rachael August 29, 2014 at 6:34 pm

Thank you for sharing all this. Sometimes life just sucks and I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

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46 Amanda August 29, 2014 at 8:08 pm

Hi Meghann, I’ve been a loyal reader of yours since 2009. I am so sorry for your loss and I will be praying for you. Please take care.

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47 The Many Thoughts of a Reader August 29, 2014 at 9:51 pm

((()))
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48 Lydia August 30, 2014 at 2:35 pm

I’m so sorry that you had to experience such a tragic loss. My heart aches for you and I know your pain. After 10 years of unexplained infertility, I got pregnant on my own only to lose it at 9 weeks. Allow yourself to cry and be angry, but I promise, it will get better.

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49 Theodora August 30, 2014 at 4:25 pm

Can’t wait to give you a huge hug next weekend <3

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50 Nicole August 30, 2014 at 10:00 pm

Thank YOU FOR SHARING your experience. <3
God bless & good luck TTC. May your pain pass quickly & your joy return even quicker.

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51 Morenna August 31, 2014 at 4:31 pm

I’m so sorry for your loss. hang in there and know lots of us are thinking of you and Derek. Hug!

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52 Courtney September 1, 2014 at 1:13 pm

So, so sorry for your loss

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53 Laureen @Peachylau September 2, 2014 at 7:29 am

Hugs hugs hugs
Laureen @Peachylau recently posted..Bristol Half Marathon training week 8 aka the no running week

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54 Emily September 3, 2014 at 6:45 pm

I am so sorry for you. I know how hard this is. I had a missed miscarriage in December. I discovered it after spotting at 10 weeks, the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I remember being so upset at my body for letting me think that I was pregnant for a whole extra month. I ended up taking the pills and they worked fine for me (combined with pain medications). Afterwards I just felt so empty.

People told me that it was good that I got pregnant and that I would have a successful pregnancy in the future. It was hard to hear and it was a painful time. We did get pregnant again about 5 months after the miscarriage. So far so good – we are 15 weeks.

Thank you for sharing your story. I agree with the other commenters that not enough women talk about miscarriages. They are difficult and painful but you are not alone.

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55 Joan September 10, 2014 at 7:27 am

I’m sorry for your loss, Meghann. I wish you peace and many good days in the future xoxoxo

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56 sabrina January 19, 2015 at 10:11 pm

Most touching story I have read in a while. My heart is with you. You will have your beautiful babies.

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