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Mentally Writing My Imaginary Book

by Meghann on August 3, 2010

As I alluded to on Saturday, a lot of random thoughts run through my head while I’m running.

My mind typically winds through anything and everything to keep me distracted from the task at hand. I think that’s one of the reasons why I love to run so much – because it gives me that time to think and digest.

Sometimes my mind will take a trip down memory lane and I’ll start mentally writing chapters for the imaginary book based on my life story. No, I’m not actually writing a book, but every once in a while it’s fun to imagine that I am and what exactly would be included in it.

During this morning’s run the imaginary chapters focused on the end of my relationship with my ex.

My ex and I dated for two years at the end of college. He was the one who had originally encouraged my running habit and had ran my first 5ks with me. Eventually I fell in love with running, staying active, and eating well, and he didn’t. He went from being the supportive boyfriend who loved me no matter what to the boyfriend who stood on the sidelines while I passed him by.

When we did eventually break up he told me I had change. That hurt and it made me re-evaluate the person I was becoming not wanting to lose the person I once was. It took me months to get over that.

As I mentally re-documented the last pieces of that broken relationship on my run, I quickly realized something – yes, I had changed, but I had changed for the better. He was the one who had refused to grow and he was the one stuck in the past – not me. I moved 300 miles away. I found a job in a field I love. I kept running. I found new friends who accepted and loved me for who I was. I started this blog. I reconnected with Derek. And I became the strong, independent woman I am today.

Truth is leaving behind that chapter in my life was the best thing I ever did.

Last month I ran into an old high school boyfriend at my friend’s wedding. He told me I had changed too, but he said it with a complimentary tone that made me smile. He told me I oozed confidence now. Confidence, huh? I guess that’s what I was missing in high school. I’m glad I found some now. 🙂

Obviously running brings out the emotional side in me. Nothing like a good 6 mile run to make you remember what makes you who you are today. I wonder what tomorrow’s imaginary chapter will be?

After my run I had a lovely breakfast of what I like to call Waffle Toast.

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I call it waffle toast because I eat the waffles like toast – no forks or knives necessary.

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My waffles were toasted then slathered with almond butter and preserved then topped with fresh peach slices and cacao nibs.

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Eaten with my hands, it was fabulous. 🙂

Enough emotion for one day, time to get to work.

1 Evan Thomas August 3, 2010 at 8:58 am

I do this, too! I also house shop, but that’s when I’m running around the good neighborhoods.

2 Tina August 3, 2010 at 9:09 am

I think this is a daily occurence for me. LOL I sure hope to make it a reality one day though.

And I think it is great how much you grew and changed. Growth is a wonderful part of life.

3 SaraRM August 3, 2010 at 9:13 am

This sounds cheesy but exs are “exs” for a reason!

Way to bust out of there and become youre own person! You do great things and inspire lots of people! 🙂

4 Marilou August 3, 2010 at 9:17 am

I also can point exactly to where my life made a turn for good. Most of the time, I think that this moment is not a pleasant one … but looking back, it’s the best thing that could happenned.

Everything happens for a reason, right? 🙂

5 wnk505 August 3, 2010 at 9:22 am

running is my stress relief, life planning, and daily agenda making activity.

Without running I think I would go insane. Running helps me organize everything in my life and I’m so happy you feel the same way.

Congrats on realizing you are so much better where you are today! I know it must be a great feeling 🙂

6 Amanda August 3, 2010 at 9:25 am

Your breakfast looks delicious. I <3 summer peaches. I'm partial to Michigan-grown peaches.

7 Rache Wilkerson August 3, 2010 at 9:31 am

I “write” when I run too!! (Well, I used to, God knows you can’t write much on the little two-milers I’ve been doing lately.) But it’s totally a perfect time to think about the things from your past that have made you the strong runner you are in that moment!

8 culturalcravings August 3, 2010 at 9:31 am

I feel everyone changes, but when the changes are so positive it hurts when someone is disapproving. Most of my best friends are my high school friends (out of hs 5 years now), and we’ve all changed. We know it….but because we all changed somehow it made us closer.

Random thoughts run through my head while running too. It’s just such a mental freeing time.

9 caitlin August 3, 2010 at 9:34 am

exs blow, i hope mine is EATING HIS WORDS right now.

10 pursuitofhealthfulness August 3, 2010 at 9:43 am

Great post, Meghann. As someone who reads your blog daily, it’s obvious that you are pursing the kind of life you really want. If others can’t or haven’t seen that, then it is their loss.

11 amanda August 3, 2010 at 9:48 am

oozing with confidence is a great thing. way to rock it, girl!

exes are lame. they are exes for a reason. but they bring us to where we are today!

xoxox

12 Angela August 3, 2010 at 9:56 am

I thought I was the only one who did this. I also thought it was kind of weird that I did and I wondered what others would think. I’m so glad you posted this!

It’s so great to read how much you’ve grown and gained since that time. Change isn’t a bad thing – but sometimes others aren’t ready for you to change, especially if that change involves becoming stronger. You should be proud!

Delicious breakfast as always. 🙂

13 Marie August 3, 2010 at 10:07 am

I love this! I “write” in my head, too 🙂 And you do “ooze” confidence. One of the reasons I love your blog!

14 Suzanne August 3, 2010 at 10:19 am

Good for you girlfriend. That’s so mature of you to be able to look back on a break-up and realize that you’ve learned from the experience. You certainly have grown, and you’ve become an inspiration to so many people. Keep it up, boo!

15 Molly August 3, 2010 at 10:27 am

I do this too. ALL THE TIME. but its good to have an outlet to show you how far you have come. I need a part of my day to sort through my thoughts, otherwise I never would.

and I hear ya about the confidence. Girls in high school with confidence are damn hard to find, but ones who found it after are surely better off for it 🙂

Have a great Tuesday!

16 carly August 3, 2010 at 10:28 am

Meghann , I think you really should consider pitching your story to some magazines! You have a great story to tell, and a great style of writing.

This story just goes to show you how everything works out for a reason. 🙂

17 freshman5k August 3, 2010 at 10:30 am

That’s good that you’ve changed for the better, be happy with who you are!

18 fitandfortysomething August 3, 2010 at 10:41 am

so true…….running and cycling for me build my confidence for sure……enjoy your day meghann!

19 Maddie August 3, 2010 at 10:55 am

Oh my goodness, this post really hit home for me. When I run, I think about my life, just because…there’s nothing else to do when you run. Yesterday when I was running, I thought of the very SAME THING. My ex-boyfriend told me I had changed. It hurt so much to think I pushed him away, but then I realized…it was me who also changed for the better. He moved to take a job, but refused to make friends and essentially made himself miserable because I wasn’t ready to move to Wyoming of all places to be with him. That’s not fair to me.

On my run yesterday, I started questioning all of that, and then I realized, I shouldn’t. I’ve grown. He hasn’t. I’m happy. He probably isn’t. So…yea. I’m getting off my little soap box now. 🙂

Love your blog. Thanks for posting this one. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who goes through stuff like this! Oh the things that come up on a good run.

20 weg1986 August 3, 2010 at 10:57 am

Where I believe hot yoga allows us to focus on one thing like our breath or love or making it through the class; that is the beauty of running I think. It lets our minds wander and allows us to explore many thoughts. I have totally been there!

21 ida August 3, 2010 at 11:02 am

gotta kiss a lot of frogs right?! Seems like you’re in such a good place now, and that is all that matters.

22 Nancy @ The Wife of a Dairyman August 3, 2010 at 11:04 am

Growing and changing is a beautiful thing! I prefer to call it evolving 🙂 Have a great day!

23 gavrielski August 3, 2010 at 11:06 am

This is such a fabulous, meaningful post. Thank you for talking about your experiences and the growth you’ve experienced over the years. People come into our lives for a reason at different times, and we learn what we can from them. Kudos to you for being able to find YOU!

24 sarah k @ the pajama chef August 3, 2010 at 11:13 am

i eat waffles like toast too!

25 Run Sarah August 3, 2010 at 11:13 am

Great post – I look back on some of my previous relationships and what I was like as a teenager and it’s so different from who I am now, for the better I think.

I also eat my waffles toast style – so much easier!

26 Dione August 3, 2010 at 11:16 am

Loved your post! You should be proud of yourself for all you have done.
Loser ex-boyfriend. 🙂

27 Sarena (The Non-Dairy Queen) August 3, 2010 at 11:20 am

My head is always spinning with ideas and stories. Sometimes is is frustrating! The waffles look delicious! Love the layering. Have a great day!

28 Anya @ Fitness & Sunshine August 3, 2010 at 11:29 am

Wow, what a story! Change is indeed sometimes for the best. 🙂 And people change all the time, it’s natural–unless of course you’re trying to be someone COMPLETELY different.

29 Kelly August 3, 2010 at 11:35 am

Ha, seems to be a theme in the comments today. My ex and I who I dated for 2 years after college, broke up a year and a half ago and he told me I changed. Sure had, I didn’t want to get tanked every Fri and Sat night, I wanted to leave a bar before last call, I wanted to get up and run in the morning, I wanted to be healthier, I wanted to quit smoking. It took me a long time to get over that break up, but I can fully embrace the person I’ve become now.

30 amystartstorun August 3, 2010 at 11:44 am

Good for you. I have a similar reaction to my ex. For a long time, I hold on a lot of resentment and anger towards this person, but he was so not right for me. I’m so happy with the changes I’ve made and am now marrying a pretty spectacular person.

31 Danielle August 3, 2010 at 11:47 am

This is a great post! Thank you for sharing part of your journey with us. You rock!

32 Lauren August 3, 2010 at 11:59 am

This is a really great post, not only as an incredible reminder to yourself of how strong you are but also as a great example of a very powerful tool you use to “distract your mind” from the oftentimes monotony of pounding out the miles by both encouraging and reminding yourself of where you’ve come from and where you are now! 🙂

33 Lauren August 3, 2010 at 12:33 pm

Good for you for realizing this!! Sometimes, the people that come into our lives are only meant to make us stronger. It’s a selfish way of thinking I guess, but it’s true. There are definitely some relationships that are only meant to better the one we have with ourselves! 🙂

I bet he was kicking himself when he saw your gorgeous face at that wedding!! 🙂

34 biz319 August 3, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Wise decision to move on . . . you always want a partner that will move forward with you, not one that holds you back. Yeah Derek! 😀

35 It All Changes August 3, 2010 at 12:57 pm

I dream of blog posts and vacations I want to take while running. I also dream of what my life would have been like if I had made different choices.

36 Samantha Angela @ Bikini Birthday August 3, 2010 at 1:07 pm

I think this is a problem with a lot of relationships– especially ones that begin when you are young. One person changes into the person they will be for the rest of their life and the other person know who they were all along. If those two people aren’t compatible, then nothing can keep you together.

I would never take “You’ve Changed” as an insult. Everything changes.

37 Kendall @ Whisk Her Away August 3, 2010 at 1:18 pm

It’s great to look back and see how we’ve changed. Sometimes I feel like I’m going 100 mph, and taking a second to look back is always an uplifting experience for me. I take comfort in the thought that life is not stagnant. 🙂

38 lowandbhold August 3, 2010 at 2:57 pm

I do the same thing! But not really while running, all the time. I feel like I could write five memoirs, haha.

39 Rachael August 3, 2010 at 3:36 pm

This was a great post – I enjoyed the musings. It’s interesting how sometimes we are catalyzed to change by others, but then take complete ownership over our own evolution – it’s certainly been true in my life!

40 runningwithsass August 3, 2010 at 6:08 pm

confidence is such a great thing to have! I often think about how a story of my life would play out!

41 Olivia @ Blissful Runner August 3, 2010 at 7:57 pm

Great post! I’m glad you found your mojo! 🙂

42 Amanda August 3, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Great post! It’s too bad he was not able to change for the better along with you. I’m sure you are better off now though!

What kind of waffles do you get? I used to get the Eggo cinnamon Nutri-grain ones because they were the only ones with fiber, but they seem to have stopped making them. I need a new frozen waffle recommendation!

43 Miranda @ MirandaJeans August 3, 2010 at 10:19 pm

I totally eat my waffles like toast sometimes. I did just the other morning wth some cinnamon raisin swirl PB on it. Nom so tasty. I don’t miss syrup on my waffles, I get my syrup fix from french toast.

44 Caroline August 4, 2010 at 8:29 am

I’m actually going through a similar change now, while my husband is not. It does make me wonder how it will affect our relationship, but I’m hoping he will follow my example at least a little. I’d be happy if he’d just walk our dogs with me! We’re just now learning that he’s got something going on with his heart though, which throws a whole other wrench in the gears!

45 kaitlinwithhoney August 4, 2010 at 9:36 pm

This was a really great post, Meghann. Maybe you SHOULD write a book! I know I’d read it. 🙂

46 britishbride August 5, 2010 at 8:35 am

Fab post Meghann. Change is good.

Julia
http://www.britbride.com

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